eee! signed up for Ficfinishing -- again! for DS, for a very old F/K bdsm story series

[verushka70]

Now I'm all nervous, but I can't take it back -- I signed up as an author for Ficfinishing... again. This time I am hoping to finish a years-old WIP that was supposed to end the F/K bdsm story series I wrote in a nice way, instead of leaving them in a bad place, like I did... for years now...

I still have to polish up my HCL/FTWHTWD story... eesh. It's first-draft-ish, but needs tweaking before it's really beta-able.

I'm having one of those "Post Comment"-clicking remorse moments... !

But now it's a done deal. I better just get on with it.

*mildly freaking out*

Comments

[lucifuge-5.livejournal.com]

Oooh, Ver, is the Another Life series?

Am very curious as I've read up to White Hot.

[verushka70.livejournal.com]

Yes, actually, it is. I'm afraid I left them in a sad, angsty, and not-playing-anymore place in the last story in the series, This Sort Of Thing. I really needed to remedy that... about 9 years ago!! Hoping I can do it in the next few weeks! Or at least start to!

[lucifuge-5.livejournal.com]

:: pouts :: Whaaaa????! Erm, sorry. Not meaning to be, well, mean. It's just that I'm about 3 stories away from This Sort of Thing. Knowing now that it ends with the boys feeling weird about their kinks... :: sad face ::

If you need a First Reader/cheeleader/person with the 'write MOAR' pokey stick . . . :: raises both hands ::

[verushka70.livejournal.com]

Look, I didn't know that's where Fraser and Ray were gonna go. Have you ever had that sense of "Well, I meant for them to do x, but they are doing y and I don't have any control over them, even though I'm writing it!" ?? It was weird, they just went that way. I should say, he just went that way -- Fraser. In the context of what happens, I couldn't see Fraser really behaving any differently. I'm hoping you'll understand when you get to it.

Of course, I never intended to leave them there for almost a decade. But then I got the repetitive strain injuries (RSI). Then I was eventually diagnosed with myofascial pain syndrome (which both is caused by and exacerbates the RSI) and went on medical leave. Then an 89 year old man hit my 74 year old father and broke both his legs, starting a 2 year long slow decline into dementia, during about half of which I was taking care of him until we had to put him in a nursing home. Then I got laid off from my job. Then I went back to school for nursing prerequisites. Then my father died. Then I started nursing school. Then my stepdad was diagnosed with prostate cancer. Then my mom was diagnosed with lung cancer. Then I finished nursing school and started my first hospital job. Then my stepdad died. Then my first nursing job was absolute hell for the first year; they truly do eat their young. Meanwhile my mom's health was up and down and she had chemo, then radiation, then another chemo, then another chemo which became a constant oral med. Then the cool boss that hired me quit/got fired. Then the workplace went down the shitter. Then I decided to go back to school for the 4 year nursing degree. Then I went part time at my job. Then my mom died... and here I am.

I did manage to go to Germany and Switzerland (I was in Germany when 9/11 happened, then we got stuck in Zurich 3 extra days because all flights back to the US were grounded), then Greece in 2002, then Amsterdam (2004) (I went to Amsterdam while collecting unemployment, heh). So it wasn't 100% awful... but it was so goddamned hard to live my life at times. I quite felt I deserved that week spent on a mental vacation via Amsterdam's many coffeehouses. Little did I know then that the worst shit was yet to come... My stepdad's cancer and eventual death, my mom's cancer and eventual death. And they lived in the apartment beneath mine so I was the first line family support person for everything. Everything. Emergency room visits. Cooking for them when neither was well enough to do it themselves. Cleaning. Tarring the roof when it needed to be done to stretch the roof a couple more years 'til my mom could afford a new roof. Doctor's appointments, endless doctor appointments. Repeat blood draws and CT scans. Home nebulized breathing treatments when my mom was sick. Giving her the IV antibiotics at home every 12 hours when she got sepsis about a year ago last September. Plus, since I was in nursing school and then finally a real nurse, I was the medical terminology interpreter for the rest of my siblings. Sigh.

So, RL just interfered with Fraser and Ray going from happy-bdsm to sad-angsty bdsm (or lack thereof) and then transcending that. The transcending part never got written even though it was in my mind (in the forefront, and then on the back burner in a guilty way) the whole time. I always meant to get them from the angsty back to the happy but RL just kept getting in the way, and the longer I was away from it, the more daunting and impossible the task seemed. I think I can do it now. I'm determined to.

I'm not saying they'll be 100% conflict- and angst-free -- that would be not only probably boring but also way too implausibly unrealistic to me. But they'll be okay with what they do and with themselves and, hopefully, even more fiercely bonded. That's what I'm shooting for.

So, yes, a FR/cheerleader/person with the 'write MOAR' pokey stick is welcome, thank you! :)

omg, ficfinishing starts tomorrow!! *freaking*

[lucifuge-5.livejournal.com]

Look, I didn't know that's where Fraser and Ray were gonna go. Have you ever had that sense of "Well, I meant for them to do x, but they are doing y and I don't have any control over them, even though I'm writing it!" ??

No, that hasn't happened to me yet though I think it might sometime while working on the next two fics I'll most probably be tackling after the one I'm tussling with right now. Particularly because both fics have to do with alternative sexualities and (by my gauge) will be epic length.

And, well, yeah, I can see how RL can lead you to underfeeding the plot bunny and how, once you push a story to the side, it might be scary (even) to attempt finishing the fic. You should look at my WIP folder. It's not exactly bursting at the seams though it's pretty full. It also doesn't help that my plot bunnies are either loopy or weird or plain ol' crazy. What can I say

I'm not saying they'll be 100% conflict- and angst-free -- that would be not only probably boring but also way too implausibly unrealistic to me. But they'll be okay with what they do and with themselves and, hopefully, even more fiercely bonded. That's what I'm shooting for.

Mmm, being a determined fic reader, I'll tell you that sounds like an awesome goal. I've recently noticed how much my tastes have changed (ficwise) through the years. I mean, I'm a hopeful ending/happy ending person BUT I've been having problems with fics where the boys (or any other pairing for that matter) ends up with a 'happily ever after' tag.

omg, ficfinishing starts tomorrow!! *freaking*

I'm freaking right along with you! Here I am about to start the round with a mere 750 words. Um, yeah. :: feels lame ::

[akamine_chan]

I'm always up for more F/K bdsm...\o/

[verushka70.livejournal.com]

Yay... It's only like 9 years late, a final story to fix the unhappy place I left F/K at the unfinished and unintended end of my F/K bdsm story series on Squidge (because I dropped the ball...). I feel like a loser for having left them there for so long... but willing to try and get them to a happy place w/their bdsm. It seems this summer I'm all about transcending stuff. Or at least my characters are all about it. Joe transcending Billy's departure to make one last shot at it and them... Fraser and RayK transcending their individual misgivings at their kinkiness to come to terms and accept that that's how they are and there's nothing wrong with it and it's all good...

Hmmmm. Well, I'm determined to get them into happy, loving bdsm again! \o/