verushka70

Look, I didn't know that's where Fraser and Ray were gonna go. Have you ever had that sense of "Well, I meant for them to do x, but they are doing y and I don't have any control over them, even though I'm writing it!" ?? It was weird, they just went that way. I should say, he just went that way -- Fraser. In the context of what happens, I couldn't see Fraser really behaving any differently. I'm hoping you'll understand when you get to it.

Of course, I never intended to leave them there for almost a decade. But then I got the repetitive strain injuries (RSI). Then I was eventually diagnosed with myofascial pain syndrome (which both is caused by and exacerbates the RSI) and went on medical leave. Then an 89 year old man hit my 74 year old father and broke both his legs, starting a 2 year long slow decline into dementia, during about half of which I was taking care of him until we had to put him in a nursing home. Then I got laid off from my job. Then I went back to school for nursing prerequisites. Then my father died. Then I started nursing school. Then my stepdad was diagnosed with prostate cancer. Then my mom was diagnosed with lung cancer. Then I finished nursing school and started my first hospital job. Then my stepdad died. Then my first nursing job was absolute hell for the first year; they truly do eat their young. Meanwhile my mom's health was up and down and she had chemo, then radiation, then another chemo, then another chemo which became a constant oral med. Then the cool boss that hired me quit/got fired. Then the workplace went down the shitter. Then I decided to go back to school for the 4 year nursing degree. Then I went part time at my job. Then my mom died... and here I am.

I did manage to go to Germany and Switzerland (I was in Germany when 9/11 happened, then we got stuck in Zurich 3 extra days because all flights back to the US were grounded), then Greece in 2002, then Amsterdam (2004) (I went to Amsterdam while collecting unemployment, heh). So it wasn't 100% awful... but it was so goddamned hard to live my life at times. I quite felt I deserved that week spent on a mental vacation via Amsterdam's many coffeehouses. Little did I know then that the worst shit was yet to come... My stepdad's cancer and eventual death, my mom's cancer and eventual death. And they lived in the apartment beneath mine so I was the first line family support person for everything. Everything. Emergency room visits. Cooking for them when neither was well enough to do it themselves. Cleaning. Tarring the roof when it needed to be done to stretch the roof a couple more years 'til my mom could afford a new roof. Doctor's appointments, endless doctor appointments. Repeat blood draws and CT scans. Home nebulized breathing treatments when my mom was sick. Giving her the IV antibiotics at home every 12 hours when she got sepsis about a year ago last September. Plus, since I was in nursing school and then finally a real nurse, I was the medical terminology interpreter for the rest of my siblings. Sigh.

So, RL just interfered with Fraser and Ray going from happy-bdsm to sad-angsty bdsm (or lack thereof) and then transcending that. The transcending part never got written even though it was in my mind (in the forefront, and then on the back burner in a guilty way) the whole time. I always meant to get them from the angsty back to the happy but RL just kept getting in the way, and the longer I was away from it, the more daunting and impossible the task seemed. I think I can do it now. I'm determined to.

I'm not saying they'll be 100% conflict- and angst-free -- that would be not only probably boring but also way too implausibly unrealistic to me. But they'll be okay with what they do and with themselves and, hopefully, even more fiercely bonded. That's what I'm shooting for.

So, yes, a FR/cheerleader/person with the 'write MOAR' pokey stick is welcome, thank you! :)

omg, ficfinishing starts tomorrow!! *freaking*