John Hughes died... work didn't suck... increased my meds

[verushka70]

I'm so bummed to hear that John Hughes died. I can definitely say that some of his movies defined angst and may have inspired or at least helped fuel my angst-hound tendencies. I mean, who doesn't sympathize with Duckie (Jon Cryer) in Pretty in Pink or with Watts (Mary Stuart Masterson) in Some Kind of Wonderful?

Also... worked last night. And it did not suck. Well, we had one cardiac arrest who came in that we were unable to save, although we made heroic efforts. But other than that, it was a smooth night, fast-paced enough to make the time pass quickly, but not so insanely busy that you have a zillion charts to finish when you get off the floor. I was out of there by 3:15 (officially off the floor at 3am) and at the grocery store (yes, it's 24 hrs) by 3:45am. Home by 4:30am. The cat food my cats love was still on sale at $2.99/7 lb. bag. So I bought 6!


Per the psychiatrist, who I had a social worker get ahold of (because I don't see him again until two weeks from now), I wanted to know if I should increase my meds. As of April, he'd had me dosing down because he said he thought my depression had a large seasonal component to it. Which I agree with; my mood improved substantially when I changed from a 6:30pm-7am shift to a 2:30pm-3am shift -- one where I actually see the sun in winter.

By the time my mom died at the end of June, I had dosed down to 150mg/day of bupropion (extended release) from the normal dose of 450mg/day. When I talked to the social worker after my mom died, I asked him if he thought I should continue dosing down to nothing, which was the original plan. He suggested not changing anything. Which I agreed with and seemed prudent, given what I was going through.

Well, he contacted the psychiatrist for me again last week because I told him, I just am having a lot of trouble dragging myself out of bed, and trouble sleeping (or falling asleep -- once I am asleep, I can't seem to stop), and I wasn't sure if I should keep my meds the same or not, but I've become extremely irritable which I've only recently learned from personal experience is a symptom of depression. The social worker called me back Friday and said the psychiatrist recommended I dose back up to 450mg/day of bupropion extended release. So I did.


I managed to get quite a bit of stuff done in the next few days. So apparently, that worked. Will continue. What else am I gonna do?

Comments

[spuffyduds.livejournal.com]

I'm glad work was pretty smooth. And that the meds are helping. *snugs you*

[verushka70.livejournal.com]

Thanks. *snugs back*

[rubberbutton.livejournal.com]

Heh, I hope your cats are hungry. ;)

Re: John Hughes. I confess I still have a thing for Bender from The Breakfast Club. So damaged, so delicious.

[verushka70.livejournal.com]

<-- what you said: I know, I know! *hearts Bender*

[lucifuge-5.livejournal.com]

I'm glad to hear that you're feeling better. Woot, woot to the increased dosage!

Re: John Hughes. It's strange how, for me, I've seen my likes and dislikes of his movies shift (sometimes even in a 360 degrees kind of way).

For example, over the years, I've gotten to find Blane (Andrew M. in Pretty in Pink) totally not worthy of Andie's affections. Actually, I'd much rather have Andie paired up with no one at the end. Oh, and her broken/very slowly healing father makes me wibble whereas before I was meh. Also, I no longer find Steff (James S.) as lame as I used to back when I was a teen. And because my slash goggles are fused to my face, I've been pairing him with Blane like whoa long before I knew that slash even existed!

About the one John Hughes movie that I'm still head over heels/forever in love and then some is Sixteen Candles. Go figure.

[verushka70.livejournal.com]

I think because of James Spader's, um, sexual ambiguity in some of his early films, I just liked him in anything, even when he was an icky character. He's kind of like CKR's Gary Jensen in Suspicious River. I want to hate him in Less Than Zero for pimping out Robert Downey, Jr. (and what a hottie he was -- and still is!)... but even though I hate him, he's still hot, somehow. (Less Than Zero was an early slash hit for me, before I went to college and discovered the BitNET, with all its Listservs -- and other slash fans of my first fandom, Forever Knight!)

Re: the Andrew McCarthy roles... yeah, I agree, not as attractive as I thought when I was young. Although to give him fair credit, I don't think his roles were as well-written and fleshed out as the others; they were kind of stock, cardboard characters: the richie rich boy. In Less Than Zero his character is necessarily supposed to be the straight man, the one who got away, but it makes him somehow less sympathetic than Robert Downey, Jr.'s fucked up coke addict.

Favorite John Hughes movie... I still think I'd have to pick The Breakfast Club as my favorite John Hughes movie. Just because of Bender and Ally Sheedy, the "Basket Case." Allison. (I had to look her character name up on imdb.com, I haven't seen it in a while.) And the way that it wasn't one of those romantic teen comedies with a happy ending, but it was about realistic kids, and it still kind of had a happy ending. Although the realism of them all actually talking to each other the following Monday... I wonder about that.

But then, I hung out with the burnouts in high school, and I was in advanced placement classes (except for math, which I hated and still hate), so maybe it could happen. The advanced placement people weren't... as accepting as the burnouts. At least, not as accepting of me. Like it was okay to be smart, but don't be *too* smart. Because most of them were either athletically successful (football, basketball players; cheerleaders, poms) or socially successful, or both (since the two often go together in high school), in addition to academically diligent and therefore academically successful.

I wasn't either of those, I was just academically successful, and then, only in the classes I actually liked. After my parents split up and the threat of my dad seeing my report cards went away, I only did well in the classes I cared about. I was probably the only person to get a C in advanced placement history but I hated the teacher.

And just like in the movie, the burnouts weren't as dumb as everyone thought. Actually a lot of them were really smart. Had their parents driven them to succeed academically like mine did (my dad was a teacher!), they probably would have. I intersected with them in my painting and photography classes, which was how I got to know them. And of course, predictably, everyone else thought painting and photography were "easy As." Which of course they weren't. The teachers weren't that dumb; they weren't going to give you an A for something you'd obviously done the night before. But pretty much everyone else who "mattered" socially or academically thought everyone who took art classes were like the people who took shop class: dumb or slackers in it for the easy grades. Like it didn't even occur to them that we might actually *like* what we were doing, or that what we were doing might actually be a lot harder than it looks.

Well, I've certainly rambled a ton, here. Sorry!

[lucifuge-5.livejournal.com]

James S. is one of the few actors whom I'll see in almost anything (I've yet watch Boston Legal because I don't have the patience to sit through yet one more freaking show about lawyers). He's always been a hottie imho . . . except in Mannequin where his look was meh-towards-slimy. As for my ultimate James' movie, some days I feel like it's White Palace while others I feel it's gotta be Secretary. I guess it depends on my mood. *g*

As for Andrew, mmm, I agree that he sorta coasted on a lot of 'pretty boy roles' through most of his early career. For the record, I never though he was as drool-inducing as most people found him to be. Oh, did you know that he was suffering from alcoholism during the filming of Pretty in Pink? Apparently, this is part of the reason why his Blane comes off as muted in a lot of pivotal scenes. I did liked him (still do in fact) in the original Mannequin though that might have to do with my love of 80s wacky fashion than his character.

Even though Brett E.E. (author of Less Than Zero) isn't amongst my favourites, I have read his earlier works. I remember not being allowed to watch LTZ when it first came out because it was 'so' adult. Having watched it a couple of times since then, I still feel sort of meh about it. I don't know if you're aware that Andrew's character was supposed to be more ambivalent (morally speaking even though he's supposed to be the one 'good' guy amongst his friends) AND also bisexual (which they totally erased from the movie.)

[verushka70.livejournal.com]

Ohhhh! Yes, White Palace is quite good... but he's also really good in Secretary. And of course there is Sex, Lies and Videotape. It seems so *tame* now, compared to the stuff we can see on TV now. I remember when it was shocking! But then, it retains an eroticism other more graphic films lack... probably because it doesn't show everything.

Even though Brett E.E. (author of Less Than Zero) isn't amongst my favourites, I have read his earlier works.

I read Less Than Zero. I remember the first line -- at least I think it was the first line of LTZ: "People are afraid to merge on LA highways."

I remember not being allowed to watch LTZ when it first came out because it was 'so' adult.

I was 20 years old, so no one could stop me. *g* I saw it like 3 times on the big screen.

Having watched it a couple of times since then, I still feel sort of meh about it.

Oh, I was never meh about it. For one thing, I really loved Robert Downey, Jr. in it, and that had me following his career (such as it was) for quite some time. I was glad to see him finally get his shit together and get a big blockbuster role in Iron Man. I was afraid he was never going to do that.

Also, I guess I have a thing for movies that portray someone's downward spiral, especially if it's a sympathetic character. Around the time LTZ came out, I had a bf who was also spiralling downward into coke addiction, but we were all doing it then, too. It was nowhere near as glamorous as LTZ but the horrors were every bit as horrible. Like McCarthy's character, I broke away to college (butI never physically left; I went to the University of Illinois at Chicago). But I kept trying to help him like Jami Gertz's character. So it all sort of rang true.

I also have a thing for SoCal decadence and sleaze, which dates far back in movie history. I mean, The Big Sleep the film, which portrays the sleazy side of SoCal/LA life, is from 1945, but the original novel by Raymond Chandler was from 1939. I like reading and seeing that stuff; it reminds me that things aren't any worse now than they were then -- they were just hidden better and hushed up more. *g*

Last of all, I think the cinematography of LTZ is gorgeous. The saturated -- but not over-saturated -- colors, the pool-blues... it's gorgeous, and it's one of the things I find hypnotic about it. I could watch it with the sound off, it just looks so beautiful and decadent.

I don't know if you're aware that Andrew's character was supposed to be more ambivalent (morally speaking even though he's supposed to be the one 'good' guy amongst his friends) AND also bisexual (which they totally erased from the movie.)

Yeah, I vaguely remember that from the book. I remember, too, that the m/m sex scenes in the book were surprisingly 'meh' for me -- and at a time when I was really getting into m/m stuff.

But the whole tone of the book is kind of a 'meh' monotone of emotionally disconnected people. Not that there is anything wrong with that; I think that's what Bret E.E. intended. And the opening line of the book stuck with me after all these years...

Never got up the nerve to read American Psycho. Picked it up in a book store once. I have quite a strong stomach, and I read a lot of true crime, and I'd already read Silence of the Lambs and some of that author's other Hannibal books. So I picked it up. But for some reason I just couldn't keep reading. It went on in detail for like three pages on what he was doing to this chick. And I was like, Okay, don't need to read this right now, putting it down, walking away... I didn't protest it (and don't believe in that or censorship). But I didn't read it, either.

I did see the film American Psycho, though. (I'd previously seen and liked Mary Harron's I Shot Andy Warhol.) I thought it was almost viciously satirical about that "Wall Street" conspicuous consumption era. Christian Bale was really good in it. I think the violence was considerably tamed down from what I read in the book. Still really creepy, though.

[lucifuge-5.livejournal.com]

Ohhhh! Yes, White Palace is quite good... but he's also really good in Secretary. And of course there is Sex, Lies and Videotape. It seems so *tame* now, compared to the stuff we can see on TV now. I remember when it was shocking! But then, it retains an eroticism other more graphic films lack... probably because it doesn't show everything.

I actually watched both WP and SLandV BEFORE I watched LTZ. Apparently, my parents objected to the drugs more than the smexin'? *shrugs* In truth, I think one of the things that I have always liked about James S. is that he does 'swarmy' in a very sexy way. Hee!

Yeah, I vaguely remember that from the book. I remember, too, that the m/m sex scenes in the book were surprisingly 'meh' for me -- and at a time when I was really getting into m/m stuff.

But the whole tone of the book is kind of a 'meh' monotone of emotionally disconnected people. Not that there is anything wrong with that; I think that's what Bret E.E. intended. And the opening line of the book stuck with me after all these years...

Never got up the nerve to read American Psycho.

Yeah, I have a feeling (from the few Bret E.E. books I've read) that he has this whole thing about completely apathetic characters either breaking down or constantly fucking up.

I did read American Psycho and was, well, equal parts confused and disturbed by Patrick Bateman (the killer). The fragmentation between the very, very, VERY detailed murders and his rambles on why Huey Lewis and The News were the shit mostly made me go 'um, okay.'

As for the movie, it was okay . . . though, like you said, Christian B. was good in it.

About the only movie based on a Bret E.E. book I've liked is The Rules of Attraction and it's not like I even own the DVD. It does have a killer soundtrack though.

[verushka70.livejournal.com]

Yeah, Spader is pretty much hot even when he's supposed to be creepy. It may be wrong, but there it is. *g*

And he was hot in Wolf, too. I never thought of myself as having a werewolf thing, but there've been a few werewolf movies I thought were pretty good. Or where the werewolves were pretty good, at least. I don't think it's the werewolf subgenre specifically but the genre of human-animal/monster transformation. I used to think it was just vampires -- and it is, primarily. But I've concluded that it's pretty much all transformation-themed concepts, as long as the transformation is into something animal and, ultimately, uncontrollable, and as long as it's executed well.

I'd forgotten about The Rules of Attraction. A friend of a friend pimped it at a party. So I eventually saw it. It actually was pretty good.

[lucifuge-5.livejournal.com]

And he was hot in Wolf, too.

OMG, he's sooo good in Wolf. I've always loved that movie and don't really understand what's the reason why it wasn't/isn't more popular.

I'd say that, up to that point, werewolves were kinda low in my radar. I was more of vampire chick growing up. ( :: points to self :: Ex-goth. What can I say?) Though, like it happens sometimes, vampires got old (pun totally intended FWIW) with very few exceptions.

As for The Rules of Attraction, it was good. The only thing that soured the movie a little for me was reading about how Ian S--er, the pretty dude that was in Lost (he played Paul in the movie) had some kind of gay panic in regards to playing a bisexual character to the point of telling everyone how uncomfortable he felt while filming the movie. How lame! >:(