Kava&St.JohnsWort&Valerian&Rxdrugs?

[verushka70]

It's rhetorical, really. Because I'm on the max dose of Wellbutrin XL already & Buspar 10 mg 2 x day. But it's not working. I got sent home (sent home!) from work Thursday by my boss because I looked "terrible." (Gee, thanks...) And I'm back where I was physically (physiologically?) a year ago: pure exhaustion, all the time, don't want to go out, don't want to see people, dragging myself through the bare minimum of what I have to do to get through the day and get through work. (Except last summer it was school.) It's like lead weight, weighing my arms & legs down... but also with the pain and soreness like I've walked ten miles (and I haven't). It can't be PMS -- unless it's month-long PMS now-- because I was "MS-ing" a week & a half ago. I don't know what is wrong with me. I guess it is all the stress hitting me like a ton of bricks (now that my mom is better, fortunately) -- but, christ, I am barely functional. I have a story to finish, another to begin, a vid I want to try... and I come home from work and all I can do is lay on the couch or my bed and watch TV. Not even my favorite shows, just whatever is on. (So not like me.) I can't even get up the mental energy to read a frakkin' book. If I could just tweak the right cocktail of Rx and OTC drugs, I'm sure I'd be able to accomplish more. Alas, that requires health insurance... which I don't currently have. I get the $4 generic Buspar (buspirone) from Wal-Mart (and I said I'd never shop there...) and I'm on the GlaxoSmithKline patient assistance program for the Wellbutrin XL (which isn't available generically). If I could just supplement with some Adderall (for focus) and klonopin or Ativan (for anxiety) in addition to the Wellbutrin/Buspar, I think I'd get more done and feel like less of a loser. Sigh.

Comments

[grey853.livejournal.com]

I've know you've got a lot on your plate right now and that can lead to depression and feeling like you're all weighed down even when things get a little better. If you had health insurance, you could go back to the doctor for a full physical to find out if there might be another cause. A lot of the symptoms you describe remind me of what I've read about chronic fatigue syndrome, which can be triggered by depression and anxiety. It's sometimes treated with drugs other than just anti-depressants. Hope things get better soon.

http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/chronic-fatigue-syndrome/DS00395

[verushka70.livejournal.com]

Yeah, if I had health insurance...

Actually, while on medical leave for intractable back and neck spasms and pain in 2003, I was diagnosed as having myofascial pain syndrome (MPS). This is variously described as just like, somewhat like, or completely different from fibromyalgia. But from what I've read the symptoms are very similar, the main difference seeming to be that fibromyalgia is chronic, whereas MPS has remissions and relapses. I've read in some places that fibromyalgia often goes hand in hand with CFS.

Unfortunately, the Mayo clinic page you linked says that doctors will exclude CFS if they find major depressive disorder or obesity (BMI over 45) in the patient. Well, I have both...

I've read a LOT about MPS, fibro, repetitive strain injuries/cumulative trauma injuries, etc. -- because I was diagnosed with MPS and RSI/CTI, and while I knew the tendinitis was RSI, I had never heard of MPS. I'm thinking of becoming a nurse practitioner (after I've sufficiently rested from RN nursing school!) -- the nursing version of an MD -- just so I can treat people like myself and actually believe them, which I'm sure many other doctors haven't. I got my share of words to the effect of "It's in your head." More like, once they see you're a depressive with nearly 20 years of being medicated in your past, they dismiss almost everything you say as more of your mental issues. Fortunately, the physiatrist I saw told me I was a text book case of MPS. So at least he listened... but I was lucky I got referred to him at all. My doctor referred me for the RSI -- nothing else; the physiatrist made the diagnosis independently. And I still think my doc didn't believe it. That's why she's not my doc anymore.

Myself, I have often wondered if there is a viral etiology -- or perhaps viruses working together, which they now know is possible in some disorders. I think viruses will be implicated as the causes of many things in the future... they already know that viruses cause a number of cancers, and I personally believe they've only scratched the surface. The other thing I've often wondered about my fatigue is if it isn't some kind of adrenal gland problem -- excess secretion of stress hormones. It wouldn't really surprise me.

Anyway, I was doing all right, until my COBRA ran out. Then I ran out of antidepressants. And the anti-muscle-spasm drugs. Then school stressed me out really badly. All that was in the year after my dad died. Then my mom and then my step-dad were diagnosed with cancer... and that's what I've been going through the past year & 1/2 with her & my stepdad -- & school on top of it. Now that I'm finished with school, I feel so wiped out I drag myself through the days.

Technically, I have insurance -- but that's because it was required when you're in nursing school, and it doesn't pay for anything routine, only emergency care. So, since I'm not bad enough to need to go to the ER... that insurance won't help.

I can't wait until this current job is over (health supervisor at a day camp -- basically, school nurse in the middle of a forest). I gave my word that I would do it, and it ends 8/10. Only after that can I start my nursing job (well, training & orientation, but at least they pay you for that & your benefits start right away). But I would feel bad about it because the person who hired me was one of my nursing instructors, who helped me with my resume. I also worry that if I bailed, I might not get a very good reference from her.

At any rate, when I do start the "real" RN job, I can tell I'll be using my insurance like crazy. I only hope pre-existing conditions are not excluded. If they are, I'm fucked. Aside from MPS & fatigue, I also need a couple fillings & grind my teeth. And I need new glasses with bifocals. The list is endless.

Getting old (physically) kind of sucks. Mentally/emotionally it's good -- I know so much more about life now, and take so much less for granted than I did when I was young. But physically, this sucks. I wish I could have had all the life experience I've got now, back when I was in my 20s and being very, very stupid about many things -- but physically in my prime. Damn.

[nosurething2.livejournal.com]

i am sorry you are feeling so bad right now.....didn`t read that post before i asked you to make a comment in the community....sorry, didn`t mean to bother you. get better soon!

[verushka70.livejournal.com]

It's okay. It comes & goes. Been a bad week (& consequently, I was offline for many days). I'll make a brief intro of some sort soon. Thanks for letting me join!

[nosurething2.livejournal.com]

thank you so much for your introduction! don`t worry about uploading anything. if you get a chance to....fine....if not...no problem...just enjoy!
e.