private porn vs. public prissiness

It's 2:30am, and I just finished pimping c_regalis' hard work at typing up excerpts from Hard Core Roadshow to someone who's only just recently seen HCL.

In four hours, I will get up and begin a day which will end in my spending the night in a private campground for all American scouting of the feminine ilk, where we adult female staff are supposed to not smoke, swear, drink or even use our cell phones in front of the girls, for fear of setting bad examples. Yet after all the girls are in bed in their own separate yurts and cabins, I will read and edit my WIP Joe/Jerry porn story by my lonesome in my cabin before I go to bed as well. (Yay, Palm PDAs which are triple password protected, so you can't even turn them on, let alone view private documents, without entering passwords!)

This is proof that people can be very responsible role models of the young while simultaneously being extraordinarily pervy in private life -- and how that's not evil. What I don't understand is why we (in America) insist that this be some kind of dichotomous disconnect. It's as if you can't do both of these things simultaneously and still be a mature, responsible adult in charge of a bunch of kids. I long for a more European acceptance of the totality of one's life and humanity, as opposed to the compartmentalization Americans seem to excel at. Somehow in America it's unthinkable that people who work responsibly and harmlessly with children by day could also have a huge collection of adult porn/erotica, lots of it self-penned, in which they indulge in the evening when all children would reasonably be expected to be sleeping.

If people at this job knew how much porn I've written (and no doubt how much I will in the future), I would undoubtedly be fired immediately -- without even a chance to explain or defend myself. This is why I do nothing on the 'net using my real name. It's too risky, and people get hysterical and out for blood before they even know the whole story of anything like this. I don't want my life ruined for indulging what a far less hysterical society would view as a harmless, erotic tendency that is not inappropriate in the private life of one who works with children by day. I'm so tired of that American Looking For Mr. Goodbar morality where those women who indulge themselves in things of a sexual nature with other consenting adults must die for their failure to remain sexless even in their private lives away from the children they teach or care for during the day. The more things change, the more they stay the same...