private porn vs. public prissiness

[verushka70]

It's 2:30am, and I just finished pimping c_regalis' hard work at typing up excerpts from Hard Core Roadshow to someone who's only just recently seen HCL.

In four hours, I will get up and begin a day which will end in my spending the night in a private campground for all American scouting of the feminine ilk, where we adult female staff are supposed to not smoke, swear, drink or even use our cell phones in front of the girls, for fear of setting bad examples. Yet after all the girls are in bed in their own separate yurts and cabins, I will read and edit my WIP Joe/Jerry porn story by my lonesome in my cabin before I go to bed as well. (Yay, Palm PDAs which are triple password protected, so you can't even turn them on, let alone view private documents, without entering passwords!)

This is proof that people can be very responsible role models of the young while simultaneously being extraordinarily pervy in private life -- and how that's not evil. What I don't understand is why we (in America) insist that this be some kind of dichotomous disconnect. It's as if you can't do both of these things simultaneously and still be a mature, responsible adult in charge of a bunch of kids. I long for a more European acceptance of the totality of one's life and humanity, as opposed to the compartmentalization Americans seem to excel at. Somehow in America it's unthinkable that people who work responsibly and harmlessly with children by day could also have a huge collection of adult porn/erotica, lots of it self-penned, in which they indulge in the evening when all children would reasonably be expected to be sleeping.

If people at this job knew how much porn I've written (and no doubt how much I will in the future), I would undoubtedly be fired immediately -- without even a chance to explain or defend myself. This is why I do nothing on the 'net using my real name. It's too risky, and people get hysterical and out for blood before they even know the whole story of anything like this. I don't want my life ruined for indulging what a far less hysterical society would view as a harmless, erotic tendency that is not inappropriate in the private life of one who works with children by day. I'm so tired of that American Looking For Mr. Goodbar morality where those women who indulge themselves in things of a sexual nature with other consenting adults must die for their failure to remain sexless even in their private lives away from the children they teach or care for during the day. The more things change, the more they stay the same...

Comments

[grey853.livejournal.com]

Excellent point and I totally agree. Americans are so fucking repressed and go into a feeding frenzy when anyone even suggests that it's normal to be sexual, especially if they're in charge of kids. I'm convinced it's one of the reasons there's so much pedophilia and psychosexual problems in Americans. People are told to discount and disregard totally natural urges and parts of themselves. Who wouldn't get preverted?

And, of course, the definition of perversion is so fucked up, too. To me gay sex isn't the least bit wrong, but so many people don't see it that way. And women writing or enjoying porn? Jesus, anyone working around kids would be fired in a heartbeat if it came to light. It's not right, but I've actually seen it happen.

I was a teacher for 27 years. You better believe I kept my private life private. I'm retired now and I still don't advertise that I'm all about the slash. Why invite trouble?

Still, it's a twisty little world we live in.

[verushka70.livejournal.com]

Yep, I know what you're saying. I wish I could be my "real" (slashy) self everywhere -- even online -- but I barely get any understanding amongst my casual friends and acquaintances, whose reactions have ranged from disinterested "oh, that's nice for you" to "what?! that's sick! how can you like that?" And you're right, we are so fucked up about sex in this country, I really think it makes people more perverse and wacked than if we could just acknowledge that these urges (and body parts!) are a natural part of life.

I know more liberal people (especially in big cities like Chicago) think that things are no longer like they were depicted in "Kinsey"... but sadly, that very much depends where in the US you are, and who you're talking about. I once saw a woman at a public pool smack her 3 or 4 year old daughter's hand for repeatedly tugging her wet bathing suit, which had ridden up in her crotch, out of her crotch. I was like, Jesus Christ, she's just UNCOMFORTABLE! Get her out of that wet swim suit or give her a frakkin' break! It's not like she's masturbating -- and so what if she was?! She's maybe four years old! She has no idea, no real concept, of what she's doing! A couple years ago she was putting everything she encountered in her mouth, and that was normal for that age! It's not like she's a forty year old man jerking off in front of a pool full of children! These people and the messages they send their children just contribute more to peoples' guilt and true perversion -- a label which, imho (as in yours) does not apply to same-sex relations. Arrrrgh!