Apr. 27th, 2010

verushka70: Kowalski puts his hands to his head (BeardsleyWinged)
So yesterday my cat started having problems breathing. I knew this would come eventually -- she has cancerous nodules in her lungs, where her basal cell carcinoma metastasized to. I had hoped the chemo regimen she was on was working -- a month+ ago, her chest X-ray was, the oncology vet told me, no different from her initial diagnostic chest X-ray.

But I had to bring her in. She was breathing like 60-70 times a minute (normal is 15-30) and really heaving. I hadn't noticed at first how bad it was getting, because after she started the prednisone a month ago, she started pulling out her fur. The vet had told me to get small dog clothes and put them on her to block her access to her own fur. (The cat really, really didn't like wearing doggie shirts, but she did put up with it. Although then she just denuded both her front legs. Sigh.)

But she wasn't acting right; she was completely quiet (and normally she's extremely vocal), and she was still as a rock (whereas normally she follows me around) and she had this look that was a cross between mad and scared. I took her shirt off and then realized how much trouble she was having breathing. At least she wasn't mouth-breathing; that's a really, really bad sign.
such a lousy, lousy day with the thoughts you'd expect to follow )
verushka70: Kowalski puts his hands to his head (BeardsleyWinged)
Kako went into respiratory distress and then arrest around 2:50am this morning. They called me around 3:00am because I had chosen no intubation on the DNR when she was admitted. The night emergency vet said she didn't think she could keep Kako alive long enough for me to say good bye. I said I would come out anyway and that if she was suffering and distressed, that they should take her (euthanise) or let her go. I got there too late. She had already died at 3:15. I didn't ask if she died, or they euthanised her, and they didn't tell me.

I didn't get to say goodbye. I feel terrible, like she died without me, not knowing that I didn't just leave her there, I brought her so she could get better, and I *was* coming back for her -- if she would have made it. But by the time they decided they should keep her one more night, it was too late to leave home and make it there before visiting hours were over Monday night.
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