![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
verushka70If being sick with upper respiratory infection for weeks hasn't been enough, the tendonitis which seemed to be getting better has now morphed into numbness and tingling that shoots down my right arm to thumb and index finger.
I keep thinking of the things I'll never do because of it and because it keeps coming back.
I will never write seriously. I probably never would have, given that fanfic dominated my creative output. But the possibility was at least out there ...before tendonitis.
I can never go back to playing music. I miss it so much sometimes (I didn't love playing violin, but I loved playing the piano) and violin skills translate to guitar, which I taught myself a little of... before tendonitis.
I can never go back to electronic art or even modern video editing (my first bachelors was a BFA in film/video and electronic media). I simply can't do all the mousing and keyboard work and knob twiddling necessary.
I will never be free of this weakness, this vulnerability that hampers all my creative outlets, the ones I love most. I feel I'm crippled for life. Every time I over do it, I am crippled by pain and dysfunction for weeks or months.
Professionally, I can never move up into management. I probably wouldn't have anyway (doesn't fit my personality) but the computer work (QA, data analysis, email) is impossible for me now.
They just offered me my boss' position (she's stepping down) and I will clearly have to decline. I probably would have anyway, but I would have liked to decline because I wanted to decline -- not because I physically can't do the work required.
I suppose I should thank my lucky stars that I can still start IVs on patients, as that is not a pain free activity for me, but it at least doesn't leave my arm aching the way the necessary computer charting does.
Speech to text helps a bit but is still so imperfect it requires a lot of correction which just strains my arm more. I can't imagine writing an entire novel-length work with speech to text. It would be as much work correcting the speech written text as it would typing the entire thing out.
If I owe you replies or messages, this is why. I'm only posting this because I'm already in so much pain it won't make much difference and I'm enraged and depressed at my fate.
Goddamnit. I hate this.
I keep thinking of the things I'll never do because of it and because it keeps coming back.
I will never write seriously. I probably never would have, given that fanfic dominated my creative output. But the possibility was at least out there ...before tendonitis.
I can never go back to playing music. I miss it so much sometimes (I didn't love playing violin, but I loved playing the piano) and violin skills translate to guitar, which I taught myself a little of... before tendonitis.
I can never go back to electronic art or even modern video editing (my first bachelors was a BFA in film/video and electronic media). I simply can't do all the mousing and keyboard work and knob twiddling necessary.
I will never be free of this weakness, this vulnerability that hampers all my creative outlets, the ones I love most. I feel I'm crippled for life. Every time I over do it, I am crippled by pain and dysfunction for weeks or months.
Professionally, I can never move up into management. I probably wouldn't have anyway (doesn't fit my personality) but the computer work (QA, data analysis, email) is impossible for me now.
They just offered me my boss' position (she's stepping down) and I will clearly have to decline. I probably would have anyway, but I would have liked to decline because I wanted to decline -- not because I physically can't do the work required.
I suppose I should thank my lucky stars that I can still start IVs on patients, as that is not a pain free activity for me, but it at least doesn't leave my arm aching the way the necessary computer charting does.
Speech to text helps a bit but is still so imperfect it requires a lot of correction which just strains my arm more. I can't imagine writing an entire novel-length work with speech to text. It would be as much work correcting the speech written text as it would typing the entire thing out.
If I owe you replies or messages, this is why. I'm only posting this because I'm already in so much pain it won't make much difference and I'm enraged and depressed at my fate.
Goddamnit. I hate this.
no subject
Date: 2016-01-26 12:53 am (UTC)It really sucks that tendonitis is kicking your butt ten ways from Sunday. I hear your frustration and sincerely wish you could feel better. *hugs*
no subject
Date: 2016-02-10 06:16 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2016-02-11 08:40 pm (UTC)SPOILERS
At one point, Tony says to Steve, "Sometimes I want to punch you in your perfect teeth."
Soon after, Steve says to Ironman/Tony (re: Bucky), "He's my friend."
Tony replies, "So was I."
I snorted, "When were they friends? Every Avengers movie I've seen, Tony's always insulting Captain America."
Her reply was, "All the time! How good of friends can they be if he says he sometimes wants to punch him in his perfect teeth?"
Just thought you'd be amused to hear that, from a non fannish person, no less.
Though I don't keep up on CA/MCU news, I was curious. So after I got home I searched online and found this. It kind of perfectly encapsulates our "Since when??" reaction.
http://www.dailydot.com/geek/captain-america-civil-war-iron-man-friends/
Unless CW does major flashback retconning, I think a lot of mainstream viewers will similarly think, "Wait, what? When were they ever friends?"
My arm/hand pain is... it is what it is. When the numbness shoots down my arm, it's actually kind of a relief from the shooting pain. But it's intermittent. I'm replying while I can, while it's numb. I have a chiropractor apptmt in 20 minutes. It helps, but only temporarily. Sigh.
no subject
Date: 2016-02-11 10:10 pm (UTC)LOL, I most deffo watched the new trailer and then had about ten kind of feelings because, well, it was CW!
I'm hella confused about the sudden need for Tony to be "hey, Steve, we were friends too!". OTOH, there's v. little (if any) evidence to back this up in MCU. OTOH, their friendship is super strong in the comics!canon. IMHO, it's way too late for Tony to be concerned about his supposed friendship with Steve.
Given how misleading the CA:The Winter Soldier trailer was, I've begun to think that Tony's NOT talking to Steve but someone else. After all, nearly all the trailers have focused on Bucky and Steve's relationship (which can seriously be read as romantic or friendship). It literally has Steve telling Tony how important Bucky is to him. So, in short whoever been editing the trailers is a genius because it's definitely making people super invested.
The downside is that some people have decided to be super negative about all kinds of things (Steve/Bucky vs. Steve/Tony, Steve vs. Tony, etc) and the marketing is pretty much fueling the grrs.
I mean, I'm deffo #TeamCap through and through, but I don't understand the need to hiss at Tony or look down on people who don't like Bucky. But then, I'm usually v. live and let live so there's also that.
(BTW, I had a totes OTT reaction post to the first CW trailer here. Possible spoilers at the end (I've marked them as such)).
no subject
Date: 2016-03-30 09:55 pm (UTC)Anyways, I did read your reaction to the first CW trailer (except for the spoilers), so I'll comment over there...
no subject
Date: 2016-03-31 01:42 am (UTC)