atypical, unboxable
Jan. 30th, 2006 05:52 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
verushka70I wondered about this when this semester first started. For my med/surg I class, we must all, whether we like it or not, use the WebCT computer system to download the handouts and check our test grades. We were all asked to introduce ourselves in the online class. The instructor went first. She described first how she'd been in nursing for 20 years, worked at our school about 7, her area (critical care), and then explained she started with an RN but then went on to get her MSN, Master's of Science in Nursing. The very last thing she mentioned was that she was married and had 2 grown kids.
About 40 more students responded with introductions. With only a few exceptions (myself and one male student included), the other 35+ students (all female) first mentioned their marital status (married) and second mentioned their motherhood status (number of kids, the kids'/kid's age(s), etc.). I found myself thinking, Is that how I'm supposed to be defining myself? By the fact that I have (or don't have) a man, a husband, and/or some kids?
I wanted to say, "Right, I'm 38 and I've traveled to Germany, France, Switzerland, Italy, Austria, London, Greece, Amsterdam, and Toronto, and I plan to eventually go back to all those places, because I love traveling internationally. I'm functionally illiterate in German, too!" But I didn't mention any of that, just my academic ambitions.
Then I thought, well instead of getting married and having a bunch of kids, I didn't do either of those, and that's part of the reason I had the time, lack of responsibilities, and (most obviously) the financial opportunities to travel so much. (I didn't stay in 3 or 4 star hotels, by any means; most of the time was at relatives' homes or cheap youth hostels or pensions.)
I admit I'm detached from a lot of popular culture. I admit I often feel I don't have a lot in common with other women in my geographical area, the micro-region I'm in. But the whole "I'm defined by my marital status and motherhood" thing just really shocked the hell out of me. People were saying, "Yeah, I've been married 10 years in February, my three kids are 4, 6, and 9 & 1/2" and I'm thinking, well, I almost got married a couple times, but those would have been bad mismatches; I almost had a couple of kids, but I didn't.
It was just strange. I feel like so many other things besides a single woman with no kids. I feel world traveled. I feel experienced at life. I feel intelligent (until I do badly on nursing school exams). I feel excited by going to nursing school (when not overwhelmed and dejected and fearful). I feel called to become a nurse; I didn't dislike caring for my father or my grandmother or even all those pets I took care of over the years with stitches, surgical drains, or requiring subcutaneous fluids. I feel like a bit of a sci-fi fan.
I know I'm majorly into slash. I'm a cinephile. I love Madonna's new CD. I love my season tickets to the opera, even though I had to miss a couple because of school. I feel like I want to move to a different state, out west, after I get my RN. I feel like when I actually have money to buy my own place, I will want to check into solar power and wind power because I'm tired of being raped by utility companies. I feel like I will enjoy my much increased income after I become a nurse, and I will spend it traveling as much as I can. I love my nephews to bits and I want to drag them with me all over North America and Europe.
I feel like I would like to visit Amsterdam again. I feel like I want to visit my cousins in Europe again, too. I feel like I want to get a dog, but only after I have an actual house with a yard, instead of an apartment like I currently have. I feel like I'd like to get better at cooking Indian food, as well as cooking Mexican and various Asian and south east Asian (Thai, Korean) foods. I'd like to visit Vancouver. I want to see Alaska. I'd like to see the permafrost while it is still permafrost, before it starts melting. I want to see those herds of caribou before their calving grounds are destroyed by Bush-crony oil companies drilling in the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge. I still need to see Bryce Canyon, not to mention Yosemite, the Grand Canyon, Glacier National Park, and Montreal and Quebec City.
I feel like I might want to learn more about holistic nursing care. I feel like a bit of a media geek, what with my fanfic writing, but I want to do more of it "some day when I have time." I feel like I'd like to try "real writing" of fiction and short stories and what not, "some day when I have time." I feel like I don't have enough time or energy to be online as much as a lot of other people more prominent in fandoms, and although that used to bother me, well, it's not really a choice when you have RSI. So I'm just accepting that and getting on with life. I'm looking forward to refining my latest DS and HCL fanfic and writing some more for a fic challenge thing. I do what I can, when I can, while concentrating mostly on school, surviving, shoring myself up mentally for the difficulties ahead, and venting to friends or family (or here) when I have to. I feel like laying down and snuggling my cats, or watching a DVD, but right now I can't do that, because as soon as I finish babbling here, I must (whether I feel like it or not) finish my paper on cervical cancer.
I also feel sad because I have been withdrawing from a long-time friend (20+ years), my friend F---, but I can't get past his unrelenting negativity and it's just not fun or healthy being around him much anymore (not to mention tiresome), and I'm also becoming better friends with his friend B---, so I would rather spend more time with B--- because we like the same music and movies and books and I can talk to B--- about that stuff, whereas I haven't been able to with F--- for years, so I'm developing a friendship whilst winding another down, except I of course haven't told either that this is actually what is going on, although I think B--- knows this on some level, because we've been spending time together more often and discussing things like yoga and cooking and movies and music that F--- doesn't know anything about, and the situation is complicated by the fact that they are room mates so I must be very very careful in terms of not giving one more attention than the other.
But truth be told I sometimes can't stand being around F--- anymore because it is so depressing and it brings me down, plus F--- is never happy for me when things go well, and is always ready to tell me how badly things will turn out, and I think, This isn't what friendship is for, this isn't the kind of friend I am to him... whereas B--- is happy for me, is interested, and I wonder if he might like me a little, and I know I kind of like him a little, but I'm not ready to fuck that up by kissing him or doing something like making a move or soliciting a move, so, we're just becoming better & better friends, although he's much more huggy with me than F--- ever was, but that's the way F--- has always been, so I never tried to be any different with him because he's very skittish that way.
And then there are my sisters, who don't all get along, which is distressing and depressing if I dwell on it, but I usually have a good relationship with each one individually, but the family drama is just sometimes too much, and it's irritating, and I wish I didn't get dragged in the middle of that shit. I just want to hang out with them, individually, and alone; and with my sister-in-law (who soon won't be, because my brother is divorcing her), who I have more in common with than I do with my brother, except I have no time to hang out with anyone these days, so I just call them on the phone every 2-3 weeks, and hope they don't think I'm too much of an asshole for not being around much.
And, over and under and shot through all the above, I feel like I want another boyfriend who likes being submissive to my dominance, but with school, I don't have time to meet anyone new or date. And I feel slightly creeped out that an old ex of mine was driving past my house today and saw me getting into my car to go to the grocery store, and pulled up next to me honking until I pulled over (I didn't recognize him at first) and I realized it was J---, and I wondered how often J--- drives by my house, even though I don't feel threatened by him or that he would harm me, I was more just irked than creeped out, irked in a "Why can't I get rid of you?" kind of way... but it did make me wonder.
I also felt kind of surprised and like some higher power might be throwing something in my path, because it just so happens that J--- was also the most joyfully submissive boyfriend I ever had (that NIN song "Happiness In Slavery" could have been written for him; he was born to be on his knees). And he's a strapping, tall, dark, good looking man, though he's older now, and grayer, but then I suppose I am too. And I was way more attracted to J--- than some previous boyfriends, and I didn't really miss him when I wasn't seeing him, but I missed what we had, which was animalistic and chemical and had little to do with conversation, but was very fulfilling in its limited way.
Yet I felt it weirdly serendipitous that earlier this same afternoon, I had thought wistfully to myself, "Damn, I wish I had a lover right now who would just shut up and do what I say, like J--- used to, someone I could be my wild self with like I could with J---, and then who'd go home and leave me alone so I can study and do all this school stuff..." and not forty minutes later, J--- drives past my house and sees me pulling out of my parking space, and he honks and drives alongside me, and we pull over farther up the street, and he asks for my number again because he says he lost it, and I give it to him again, even though it's probably a mistake. I haven't seen him or talked to him in, I don't know, eight months? six? something like that -- and it seems weird that it's happening now, less than an hour after I was just thinking about him for the first time in weeks or months.
And I felt like I looked like shit (no makeup on, I'd been in school all day before the chiropractor, etc), and J--- asks what I've been up to, and I tell him I'm super-busy, that I'm in nursing school, and he tells me I look great and I'm thinking, Right, he's just buttering me up. But then he calls me an hour later after I'm home from the store, and he says he wants to see me (right), says he thinks about me a lot (uh-huh), and was so disappointed when I told him two years ago that I was involved with someone (whatever... well, okay, that was probably true), and he's sorry he fucked up last time we were supposed to get together. And he tells me again that I looked great.
And this is the puzzling thing about men: you could work your ass off, spend an hour on makeup, stuff yourself into your most flattering clothes, and knock their socks off, but then they will also make moves on you or make compliments when you feel completely unprepared for seeing them and actually had no intentions of meeting them (i.e. in terms of primping, or "spramping" if you watch Will & Grace, you did none). And it makes you wonder why you ever bothered to spend all that time primping when apparently you look as good to them without it as you do with it, almost like they don't notice the primping, which is really irritating. But it is just like a man to not notice your hair color until about a month after you colored it, and I'm never sure if that is a good thing or a bad thing, but I've given up trying to understand it; it's just how men are.
And while J---'s talking I'm thinking, shit, this is predictable, we'll probably get into things with each other again, then he'll piss me off like last time. Except this time J--- strangely asks me to dinner, which wasn't exactly the nature of our previous relationship, dinner involving a lot more talking and clothing (and a lot less leather and restraints) than our usual get-togethers. So that's new, and I'm debating whether I should go with dinner or if I should just treat him like the sex slave he was born to be (and is so very good at being). Or if I should do both, considering there is really no rush like the rush of having a six-foot-plus tall, broad shouldered man tied spread-eagle and blind-folded on your bed, to do with as you please... But maybe I'll add an extra dose of punishment because J--- really was hours late to our last get-together (coming from Indiana through rush hour, so he said) -- so late that I got fed up and left and didn't accept his calls for months and never saw him again until just today.
So then I'm feeling like I should finish things off with my current/most recent ex M---, because we don't fit and we both know it, instead of periodically using him for booty calls when I feel the urge. Not that M--- complains, of course; he has only complained that it's "one-way" booty calls (me-->him, not him-->me) but I said that's because I can't get in the mood when I'm not hormonally horny, and I only have a limited amount of time because of school. But I feel guilty beause I am using M---, no matter how much he likes it, and I know I shouldn't, because I can't love him the way he deserves to be loved, although I do love him, but sometimes I don't really like M---, and that seems wrong, and he just declared this past weekend that he still loves me and would marry me in a heart beat and I could answer only with silence because, well, I don't feel the same way anymore and haven't for over a year.
But that's only because M--- majorly yanked my chain repeatedly two years ago, and he sure wasn't singing this tune back then, for a variety of reasons (including that I was the wrong religion), so obviously we're just misfiring with each other, that's all we did for two years, is awkwardly miss each other's cues until I'd had enough and declared it pointless about a year ago... but M--- and I stayed "friends" and that was probably a mistake. And I feel like someday, maybe, I want to have kids, but I'm not doing it alone, because I know too many single moms and I didn't sign up for that. I want my kids to have a father and I want a husband, dammit, I want someone I'll have sex with the rest of my life. And then I think: well, can't see that happening with either M--- or J--- or any of the guys I've dated in the last five years -- I'm not even sure I'm capable of those things myself although I know I am capable of fidelity and keeping things spiced up, so that should at least count for something... OTOH, there are all those "swinger" couples who have kids and live in the bible belt (I've heard St. Louis is the "swinging capital of the US") and I think, hell, if those people can do the traditional thing, why can't I? I may be kinky, but I'm monogamous, which is more than the spouse-swapping set can say, although maybe it's not infidelity if your spouse is encouraging it and watching it while you are unfaithful... who can say...
SO in the meantime I'm going to just survive nursing school, laugh and live, and try to enjoy each moment for what it is, because we only have each other and this world, so we might as well enjoy what we can.
I guess I finally got to defining myself in terms of relationships. But it did take a while and I had to go through all the other things, first. So... I guess all that's why I'm not in a box labeled "wife/mother". It isn't that I can't ever imagine being those things -- I can -- but it's that I didn't want to be defined by those things (small chance of that, I guess!). I am many things, many of them banal, but some fairly atypical. For my microregion anyway. Or maybe not, but since all my kinks are private and not public, I wouldn't know if anyone else around here was into them, anyway.
About 40 more students responded with introductions. With only a few exceptions (myself and one male student included), the other 35+ students (all female) first mentioned their marital status (married) and second mentioned their motherhood status (number of kids, the kids'/kid's age(s), etc.). I found myself thinking, Is that how I'm supposed to be defining myself? By the fact that I have (or don't have) a man, a husband, and/or some kids?
I wanted to say, "Right, I'm 38 and I've traveled to Germany, France, Switzerland, Italy, Austria, London, Greece, Amsterdam, and Toronto, and I plan to eventually go back to all those places, because I love traveling internationally. I'm functionally illiterate in German, too!" But I didn't mention any of that, just my academic ambitions.
Then I thought, well instead of getting married and having a bunch of kids, I didn't do either of those, and that's part of the reason I had the time, lack of responsibilities, and (most obviously) the financial opportunities to travel so much. (I didn't stay in 3 or 4 star hotels, by any means; most of the time was at relatives' homes or cheap youth hostels or pensions.)
I admit I'm detached from a lot of popular culture. I admit I often feel I don't have a lot in common with other women in my geographical area, the micro-region I'm in. But the whole "I'm defined by my marital status and motherhood" thing just really shocked the hell out of me. People were saying, "Yeah, I've been married 10 years in February, my three kids are 4, 6, and 9 & 1/2" and I'm thinking, well, I almost got married a couple times, but those would have been bad mismatches; I almost had a couple of kids, but I didn't.
It was just strange. I feel like so many other things besides a single woman with no kids. I feel world traveled. I feel experienced at life. I feel intelligent (until I do badly on nursing school exams). I feel excited by going to nursing school (when not overwhelmed and dejected and fearful). I feel called to become a nurse; I didn't dislike caring for my father or my grandmother or even all those pets I took care of over the years with stitches, surgical drains, or requiring subcutaneous fluids. I feel like a bit of a sci-fi fan.
I know I'm majorly into slash. I'm a cinephile. I love Madonna's new CD. I love my season tickets to the opera, even though I had to miss a couple because of school. I feel like I want to move to a different state, out west, after I get my RN. I feel like when I actually have money to buy my own place, I will want to check into solar power and wind power because I'm tired of being raped by utility companies. I feel like I will enjoy my much increased income after I become a nurse, and I will spend it traveling as much as I can. I love my nephews to bits and I want to drag them with me all over North America and Europe.
I feel like I would like to visit Amsterdam again. I feel like I want to visit my cousins in Europe again, too. I feel like I want to get a dog, but only after I have an actual house with a yard, instead of an apartment like I currently have. I feel like I'd like to get better at cooking Indian food, as well as cooking Mexican and various Asian and south east Asian (Thai, Korean) foods. I'd like to visit Vancouver. I want to see Alaska. I'd like to see the permafrost while it is still permafrost, before it starts melting. I want to see those herds of caribou before their calving grounds are destroyed by Bush-crony oil companies drilling in the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge. I still need to see Bryce Canyon, not to mention Yosemite, the Grand Canyon, Glacier National Park, and Montreal and Quebec City.
I feel like I might want to learn more about holistic nursing care. I feel like a bit of a media geek, what with my fanfic writing, but I want to do more of it "some day when I have time." I feel like I'd like to try "real writing" of fiction and short stories and what not, "some day when I have time." I feel like I don't have enough time or energy to be online as much as a lot of other people more prominent in fandoms, and although that used to bother me, well, it's not really a choice when you have RSI. So I'm just accepting that and getting on with life. I'm looking forward to refining my latest DS and HCL fanfic and writing some more for a fic challenge thing. I do what I can, when I can, while concentrating mostly on school, surviving, shoring myself up mentally for the difficulties ahead, and venting to friends or family (or here) when I have to. I feel like laying down and snuggling my cats, or watching a DVD, but right now I can't do that, because as soon as I finish babbling here, I must (whether I feel like it or not) finish my paper on cervical cancer.
I also feel sad because I have been withdrawing from a long-time friend (20+ years), my friend F---, but I can't get past his unrelenting negativity and it's just not fun or healthy being around him much anymore (not to mention tiresome), and I'm also becoming better friends with his friend B---, so I would rather spend more time with B--- because we like the same music and movies and books and I can talk to B--- about that stuff, whereas I haven't been able to with F--- for years, so I'm developing a friendship whilst winding another down, except I of course haven't told either that this is actually what is going on, although I think B--- knows this on some level, because we've been spending time together more often and discussing things like yoga and cooking and movies and music that F--- doesn't know anything about, and the situation is complicated by the fact that they are room mates so I must be very very careful in terms of not giving one more attention than the other.
But truth be told I sometimes can't stand being around F--- anymore because it is so depressing and it brings me down, plus F--- is never happy for me when things go well, and is always ready to tell me how badly things will turn out, and I think, This isn't what friendship is for, this isn't the kind of friend I am to him... whereas B--- is happy for me, is interested, and I wonder if he might like me a little, and I know I kind of like him a little, but I'm not ready to fuck that up by kissing him or doing something like making a move or soliciting a move, so, we're just becoming better & better friends, although he's much more huggy with me than F--- ever was, but that's the way F--- has always been, so I never tried to be any different with him because he's very skittish that way.
And then there are my sisters, who don't all get along, which is distressing and depressing if I dwell on it, but I usually have a good relationship with each one individually, but the family drama is just sometimes too much, and it's irritating, and I wish I didn't get dragged in the middle of that shit. I just want to hang out with them, individually, and alone; and with my sister-in-law (who soon won't be, because my brother is divorcing her), who I have more in common with than I do with my brother, except I have no time to hang out with anyone these days, so I just call them on the phone every 2-3 weeks, and hope they don't think I'm too much of an asshole for not being around much.
And, over and under and shot through all the above, I feel like I want another boyfriend who likes being submissive to my dominance, but with school, I don't have time to meet anyone new or date. And I feel slightly creeped out that an old ex of mine was driving past my house today and saw me getting into my car to go to the grocery store, and pulled up next to me honking until I pulled over (I didn't recognize him at first) and I realized it was J---, and I wondered how often J--- drives by my house, even though I don't feel threatened by him or that he would harm me, I was more just irked than creeped out, irked in a "Why can't I get rid of you?" kind of way... but it did make me wonder.
I also felt kind of surprised and like some higher power might be throwing something in my path, because it just so happens that J--- was also the most joyfully submissive boyfriend I ever had (that NIN song "Happiness In Slavery" could have been written for him; he was born to be on his knees). And he's a strapping, tall, dark, good looking man, though he's older now, and grayer, but then I suppose I am too. And I was way more attracted to J--- than some previous boyfriends, and I didn't really miss him when I wasn't seeing him, but I missed what we had, which was animalistic and chemical and had little to do with conversation, but was very fulfilling in its limited way.
Yet I felt it weirdly serendipitous that earlier this same afternoon, I had thought wistfully to myself, "Damn, I wish I had a lover right now who would just shut up and do what I say, like J--- used to, someone I could be my wild self with like I could with J---, and then who'd go home and leave me alone so I can study and do all this school stuff..." and not forty minutes later, J--- drives past my house and sees me pulling out of my parking space, and he honks and drives alongside me, and we pull over farther up the street, and he asks for my number again because he says he lost it, and I give it to him again, even though it's probably a mistake. I haven't seen him or talked to him in, I don't know, eight months? six? something like that -- and it seems weird that it's happening now, less than an hour after I was just thinking about him for the first time in weeks or months.
And I felt like I looked like shit (no makeup on, I'd been in school all day before the chiropractor, etc), and J--- asks what I've been up to, and I tell him I'm super-busy, that I'm in nursing school, and he tells me I look great and I'm thinking, Right, he's just buttering me up. But then he calls me an hour later after I'm home from the store, and he says he wants to see me (right), says he thinks about me a lot (uh-huh), and was so disappointed when I told him two years ago that I was involved with someone (whatever... well, okay, that was probably true), and he's sorry he fucked up last time we were supposed to get together. And he tells me again that I looked great.
And this is the puzzling thing about men: you could work your ass off, spend an hour on makeup, stuff yourself into your most flattering clothes, and knock their socks off, but then they will also make moves on you or make compliments when you feel completely unprepared for seeing them and actually had no intentions of meeting them (i.e. in terms of primping, or "spramping" if you watch Will & Grace, you did none). And it makes you wonder why you ever bothered to spend all that time primping when apparently you look as good to them without it as you do with it, almost like they don't notice the primping, which is really irritating. But it is just like a man to not notice your hair color until about a month after you colored it, and I'm never sure if that is a good thing or a bad thing, but I've given up trying to understand it; it's just how men are.
And while J---'s talking I'm thinking, shit, this is predictable, we'll probably get into things with each other again, then he'll piss me off like last time. Except this time J--- strangely asks me to dinner, which wasn't exactly the nature of our previous relationship, dinner involving a lot more talking and clothing (and a lot less leather and restraints) than our usual get-togethers. So that's new, and I'm debating whether I should go with dinner or if I should just treat him like the sex slave he was born to be (and is so very good at being). Or if I should do both, considering there is really no rush like the rush of having a six-foot-plus tall, broad shouldered man tied spread-eagle and blind-folded on your bed, to do with as you please... But maybe I'll add an extra dose of punishment because J--- really was hours late to our last get-together (coming from Indiana through rush hour, so he said) -- so late that I got fed up and left and didn't accept his calls for months and never saw him again until just today.
So then I'm feeling like I should finish things off with my current/most recent ex M---, because we don't fit and we both know it, instead of periodically using him for booty calls when I feel the urge. Not that M--- complains, of course; he has only complained that it's "one-way" booty calls (me-->him, not him-->me) but I said that's because I can't get in the mood when I'm not hormonally horny, and I only have a limited amount of time because of school. But I feel guilty beause I am using M---, no matter how much he likes it, and I know I shouldn't, because I can't love him the way he deserves to be loved, although I do love him, but sometimes I don't really like M---, and that seems wrong, and he just declared this past weekend that he still loves me and would marry me in a heart beat and I could answer only with silence because, well, I don't feel the same way anymore and haven't for over a year.
But that's only because M--- majorly yanked my chain repeatedly two years ago, and he sure wasn't singing this tune back then, for a variety of reasons (including that I was the wrong religion), so obviously we're just misfiring with each other, that's all we did for two years, is awkwardly miss each other's cues until I'd had enough and declared it pointless about a year ago... but M--- and I stayed "friends" and that was probably a mistake. And I feel like someday, maybe, I want to have kids, but I'm not doing it alone, because I know too many single moms and I didn't sign up for that. I want my kids to have a father and I want a husband, dammit, I want someone I'll have sex with the rest of my life. And then I think: well, can't see that happening with either M--- or J--- or any of the guys I've dated in the last five years -- I'm not even sure I'm capable of those things myself although I know I am capable of fidelity and keeping things spiced up, so that should at least count for something... OTOH, there are all those "swinger" couples who have kids and live in the bible belt (I've heard St. Louis is the "swinging capital of the US") and I think, hell, if those people can do the traditional thing, why can't I? I may be kinky, but I'm monogamous, which is more than the spouse-swapping set can say, although maybe it's not infidelity if your spouse is encouraging it and watching it while you are unfaithful... who can say...
SO in the meantime I'm going to just survive nursing school, laugh and live, and try to enjoy each moment for what it is, because we only have each other and this world, so we might as well enjoy what we can.
I guess I finally got to defining myself in terms of relationships. But it did take a while and I had to go through all the other things, first. So... I guess all that's why I'm not in a box labeled "wife/mother". It isn't that I can't ever imagine being those things -- I can -- but it's that I didn't want to be defined by those things (small chance of that, I guess!). I am many things, many of them banal, but some fairly atypical. For my microregion anyway. Or maybe not, but since all my kinks are private and not public, I wouldn't know if anyone else around here was into them, anyway.
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no subject
Date: 2006-01-31 02:54 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-02-01 06:34 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-02-01 01:55 pm (UTC)btw...
Date: 2006-02-01 06:58 am (UTC)Re: btw...
Date: 2006-02-01 01:51 pm (UTC)Re: btw...
Date: 2006-02-02 04:52 am (UTC)Re: btw...
Date: 2006-02-02 02:25 pm (UTC)I thought the idea sucked, but then I saw the show, not the miniseries, which I didn't like, but the actual series. I had to eat my words. The show was really intense, well-written, and acted. It's one of those shows that makes SciFi proud because it makes you think about issues like war and faith and all kinds of uncomfortable things. It's really nothing like the original. I guess they used the name just to pull in an audience and then hoped that the audience liked what they saw to keep them there.
As for CKR, he's not in many shows, but the one he did do called "Flesh and Bone" was stand out and my favorite. He was absolute perfection as Leoben, a soft-spoken, philosophical Cylon who mixed lies with truth and confused the hell out of Starbuck. I highly rec seeing it.
no subject
Date: 2006-01-31 03:39 pm (UTC)I coulda been like you...but wasn't. It took me a very very long time to learn I could live life by my rules.
Yes I have a husband and a child but the husband understands and actually admires me for my independent streak. My daughter...well she is the person I could have been 20 years ago. I encouraged her to be her own person and not allow society to set her limits.
To have actually lived the life...that's just wonderful. You are definitely a person who has it all together, and can accomplish whatever goals you put before yourself.
no subject
Date: 2006-02-01 06:55 am (UTC)I'm also fortunate my father always said to me, "Don't ever let them tell you that you can't do some things because you're a girl! You can do anything a boy can do!" And neither my mother nor my father ever said, "When are you going to get married?" or "When are you going to give me some grandchildren?" So I never had to deal with the pressure that some people get from their parents and families; I know it can be very difficult.
I also had two older sisters who themselves waited until after 35 to settle down. One has two kids now, but the other has none, and now they are 44 (w/kids) and 47 (w/o kids). So as I grew through my 20s and early 30s, I could always look at them and think, "What's the rush? They didn't do that yet" or "They just started" or whatever. It gave me more freedom than many girls have, I think, to look up at my older sisters and see them living their lives, also outside the boxes.
I've been very fortunate in those respects.
Thanks again for posting.