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verushka70I blame -- I mean thank! -- bloggers who piqued my curiosity. I told myself I wouldn't, wouldn't, wouldn't start watching this season of Torchwood until I'd seen season 1, which is out on DVD. And it's not frakkin' cheap -- $67.98 if you buy it from BBC America's web site, $54.99 at Deepdiscount.com, and (the cheapest) $50.99 at Amazon.com in "Used -- Very Good" condition.
However, in my increasingly severe depressive inability to go out and face the (a) cold, (b) snow, and (c) Chicago winter, except when absolutely necessary (like my fucking job) -- a Chicago winter which is getting so very tiresome, endless, snowy and cold -- instead I stayed in and found and read a bloggers raving, gushing blog entry about the Season 2 premiere of Torchwood, with screencaps showing Captain Jack and Captain John (James Marsters, who I will forever heart as Spike) kissing.
and
I'm thinking this was a BBC outtake publicity photo -- because they kept their sexy coats on after the kissing stopped and the foreplay-like fighting began in the broadcast episode.
Clearly, I am a lunatic -- keeping myself from prime time, man-on-man (man-on-Marsters) kisses just because I hadn't gotten around to watching the first season? What the hell was I thinking?!
In the usual internet-enabled devious ways, after seeing the screen caps, I downloaded the season 2 premiere ep of Torchwood. Having the slowest, cheapest DSL, this took the better part of an hour. But I finally watched it and fell in love with Captain Jack and his sexy ways earlier this week. So I didn't see Season 1. What'd I miss, anyways, besides a whole bunch of backstory? Don't need no stinkin' backstory. Just gorgeous man/man visuals!
I'm really just a slashslut, in it for the primetime man/man full-on heavy kisses. And apparently, Capt. Jack is a slashslut's dream, since he seems to be kissing a different man in every other episode I've seen so far.
Tonight, my bf & I watched the 4th DVD in the Season 1 BSG -- with some time off in the middle to watch an encore of last week's Torchwood episode and tonight's new ep of Torchwood, which involved a Capt. Jack/Ianto kiss.
What's so fab about Captain Jack's kisses is that they're not those lame-ass early80s Masterpiece Theatre man-man "moments" composed largely of longing glances and then maybe a quick peck (if you're lucky). These are serious, hot, long, tongue-y kisses. Yay! *fans self*
Made my boyfriend intensely uncomfortable. TFB. He'll get used to it. I've seen far too many bits of his Dirty Debutantes and MILF pornos when we switch over from his VCR to watch DVDs at his house. He has his porn. I have mine.
He also knows (from previous experience at the cinema seeing Brokeback Mountain) that the surest way to get me in the mood for snogging is to show me some man-on-man. So he can tolerate the man-on-man for what it will get him. Like most men, he'll put up with that which he normally wouldn't, just for nookie. So predictable. Men.
In other news... I don't have other news. Except the same ongoing. Which, um, I try not to think about unless it's smacking me in the face. I read a really cheering article in Prevention mag that cited an study stating that grief, even just "disappointment" (their word, not mine) can widely affect one's job performance, even if you're as high-level as a CEO. Wow, what rocket science. And the way to counteract this? Don't let your negative thoughts build a strong pathway in your brain. Counteract them with positivity. Snap yourself out of it -- with a rubberband on your wrist, if you have to.
So, um, when you were already a depressive. And then you developed a chronic medical condition that goes into remission and relapse (spring '03). Then your dad gets hit by a car (june '03) and begins a long slow deterioration into dementia and being wheelchair bound (june '03-dec. '03), which (since you're not working) results in you being the primary caregiver... And then he goes into a nursing home, but not a nice nursing home, a shit hole nursing home because at the last minute, your sister with the medical power of attorney sends him to a different home than the one you all voted on and than the one which won the majority vote... where he proceeds to go from weighing 159 lbs. to 131 lbs. in 7 months (jan.'04-july '04) because they don't have the appropriate staff to help him eat, let alone recognize his deterioration. And your bf tells you that he doesn't really want to marry you (dec. '04). And you break up. And you try to "stay friends." And your dad gets pneumonia twice (march '04, aug '04). And the third time he gets pneumonia, it finally kills him (jan. '05). And you're trying to go to school and retrain for another job during this entire time, taking prereqs. Amazingly, you maintain a B+ grade point average, though you haven't been in college for ten years.
And after your dad dies, you finish your prereqs and apply to three nursing schools. Two of which reject you for bachelor of science programs, even though you already have one BA from the early 90s. Then you get into the one (jun '05). Then one of your most beloved cats dies (july '05). Then nursing school begins to kick your ass (aug. '05). And your stepdad, who was actually a much nicer father figure than your real dad, much saner and a much more decent human being, is diagnosed with prostate cancer (sep. '05) but refuses to get treatment for it because it causes manliness problems.
And when nursing school is well on the way to ruining your life (because you no longer have one, because nursing school RUNS your life), your mother is diagnosed with lung cancer (march '06). And she has surgery right before your final exams at the end of the first year of nursing school -- one of which you fail (yet somehow still pass the class) (may '06). And your stepfather proceeds to get horribly worse (june '06-aug '06) and your mother goes through horrible chemo (june '06-aug '06). And you're trying to take a couple nursing courses in the summer because you know in fall your mother starts radiation and you're not sure she will be able to do anything, the chemo is hitting her so hard and they say radiation is worse.
And you are again the primary caregiver because you live in the apartment above them. And the only reason you don't have a complete nervous breakdown is because you get sliding scale counseling and psychiatrist appointments and free sample meds because you're so broke and you've been unemployed so long and everyone you know who continues working through nursing school winds up failing out of it. So you don't -quite- have a nervous breakdown but you feel on the edge all the time. And it's not like Valium or Xanax or even Klonipin or something usefully tranquilizing like that. Just antidepressants. But you drag yourself through the days competently enough. Still maintaining a B average while you feel like your head is going to explode.
Then your stepdad gets some chemo that seems to help, but it makes him as emotional as a menopausal woman (because it's female hormones) (aug '06). Your "just friends" relationship with your ex-bf has become bf-gf again (july-aug '06). And you start your 2nd year of nursing school, the burden of which is slightly lessened by the courses you took in summer, which you passed, even though you failed the final exam of one of them (aug. '06). And your mom goes through radiation and you go through a second year of nursing school that kicks your ass far harder than the first (aug. '06-may '07). Your bf now wants to marry you, but only if you convert to his Catholicism, though he never goes to mass anymore (dec. '06).
And your mom misses every major holiday and family gathering because she either can't stop vomiting or can't get out of bed or both (may '06-dec '06) and she's turning into skin and bones because she can't or won't eat because the chemo and radiation have changed her taste and tastebuds and you try cooking everything and finally ANYTHING to get her to eat but it's only about 2 teaspoons per meal and then she's done and she goes back to bed. And she starts feeling a little better (jan '07) but then develops radiation pneumonitis (feb '07).
And when you finally tell your bf you'll convert, he misunderstands and thinks you're really accepting Catholicism as your religion, whereas you're really just willing to tell a priest whatever he wants to hear and, more importantly, pay whatever you have to pay to get married in a Catholic church, but this is not satisfactory to your bf, because it's not "genuine" and you're doing it in word only, not in thought, so now he's backing off on the whole wanting to get married thing (feb. '07).
And when your mom finally starts feeling a lot better, she discovers her cancer has returned (april '07). But she starts chemo again (may-june '07). And even though you again think you're gonna have a nervous breakdown, you make it through nursing school and graduate (may '07). Then you take a job you think is going to be restful because it's being a daycamp nurse in a forest, but you overdraw your checking account twice because it's a minimum wage job. And your step dad is losing his bowels slowly to invasive prostate cancer. (feb. '07-aug. '07). And your mom starts feeling better, but your stepdad gets much worse (aug. '07-sep '07) until he has a sudden swift downturn (oct '07) and goes on hospice care and is dead in less than two weeks (oct '07).
And your mom is devastated because she always thought her lung cancer would certainly kill her before his prostate cancer killed him, but that's not how it worked out. And you get hired in an incredibly stressful ER (aug. '07) and begin working on the night shift (oct '07) and discover that there's a cabal of older white nurses who for some unknown reason, just don't like you, and gossip and say shitty things about you behind your back. (oct '07-feb '08). And you grow to dread your job because of this. And your mom barely leaves the house (oct '07-jan '08) because of her grief. And then when she's gotten past the holidays, the worst of it, you think, and she's started to venture out more (late jan '08) -- it turns out her cancer has returned (feb. '08) and you don't think you can really take much more of this between the job stress from your bitchy, nasty coworkers and your mom's cancer and new chemo.
So, um, where was the part where I was supposed to stop using the grief-and-disappointment chemical/signal pathways of my brain?
Oh, silly me. I forgot: that extremely brief respite, the week I spent in Amsterdam in January '04... when I was high as a kite every day on legal marijuana, legal mushrooms, or both.
Yeah. Um. Something tells me that one little week of happy, stoned chemical pathways in my brain in Jan '04 was not enough to undo all the negative chemical pathways that had already worn they're way into habit, supposedly, by then. Nor could they have prevented or lessened all the negative thoughts that were to unavoidably come.
I love how the solution to these problems -- if you believe these self-help articles like this -- subtly provide yet more ways to blame the individual for their own problems. Like, if you're still grieving and depressed, it's your fault! because you didn't think "positive thoughts!" Because you didn't think your problems away! Because you "focus on your grief" and you didn't learn to immediately recognize your intrusive "negative thoughts" and counteract them with "positivity" and "gratitude."
And that if you just practice these methods, all will be well and you will stop being overwhelmed with sadness, sorrow, grief and the knowledge that still more shadows hang over your life -- such as the inevitable, and too-early death of your last remaining parent, the one you had probably the best relationship with, one who it's looking very likely will not live long enough to see you married or have children because (1) those things look like they're not even going to happen for you, and (2) if they do, they're not going to happen soon while all this other shit is going on in your life, which means by the time they do, IF they do, she will be dead.
Because, clearly, the 450 mgs of Wellbutrin XL and the 50 mgs of Elavil you take a day aren't lifting your thoughts into positive thinking and thereby creating positive-thought chemical pathways and networks.
So it must be your fault for continuing to let negative thoughts dominate your thinking.
Never mind what's actually happened in your life the last five years.
I could drink alcohol -- it sure does make me feel better and more cheerful. But that will just cause another set of problems and interference with my functioning.
So. Escapism it is. Captain Jack, the Torchwood crew are just the latest. There's CSI, BSG, a new season of Dirt is coming (as is new BSG, and the most recent Razor), maybe another season of The Riches -- as well as all those DS F/K fics, HCL fic, reading fic, writing fic, re-watching the sadly short-lived Veronica Mars, re-watching the sadly short first season of Moonlight, re-runs of X-files and DVDs of Forever Knight.
Escapism is the only thing that for sure gets my thoughts away from me, my family, my world, my present, my future. I'll grant that some of the shows are pretty dark. But I'd rather watch the problems of fictional people that work out in the end, at least sometimes, than spend time thinking about my own, which tend not to. I have my cats, who always love me, the way animals always love the people who feed them and keep them warm. And at least I did graduate from nursing school and get into a new career. Surrounded by ostracizing bitches, to be sure, but it's a living. I can put being broke behind me. And I can afford more DVDs. Like, maybe the 1st season of Torchwood, even if it is $50. Because the megabyte restrictions per 24 hours when trying to download episodes is really fucking annoying.
The only actual news is, the doc finally got back to my mom about the pathology results on the fluid they drew off her lung. They didn't find any cancer cells in it. However, considering that they sampled a few drops, and they drew almost a liter off her, he said they call that "sampling error." So, according to doc, most likely there were cancer cells in the fluid... just not in the few drops they looked at. Uh-huh. Fortunately, my mom is getting the skin rash (which supposedly means her cancer is responsive to the drug)... and also bad diarrhea, which is currently handled by OTC Immodium or its generic equivalent. So. Small favors. Oh, look. A positive thought. It's like a fucking needle in a haystack. Or, as Col. Tigh says, a grain of salt on a sand beach. Woohoo.
However, in my increasingly severe depressive inability to go out and face the (a) cold, (b) snow, and (c) Chicago winter, except when absolutely necessary (like my fucking job) -- a Chicago winter which is getting so very tiresome, endless, snowy and cold -- instead I stayed in and found and read a bloggers raving, gushing blog entry about the Season 2 premiere of Torchwood, with screencaps showing Captain Jack and Captain John (James Marsters, who I will forever heart as Spike) kissing.
and
I'm thinking this was a BBC outtake publicity photo -- because they kept their sexy coats on after the kissing stopped and the foreplay-like fighting began in the broadcast episode.
Clearly, I am a lunatic -- keeping myself from prime time, man-on-man (man-on-Marsters) kisses just because I hadn't gotten around to watching the first season? What the hell was I thinking?!
In the usual internet-enabled devious ways, after seeing the screen caps, I downloaded the season 2 premiere ep of Torchwood. Having the slowest, cheapest DSL, this took the better part of an hour. But I finally watched it and fell in love with Captain Jack and his sexy ways earlier this week. So I didn't see Season 1. What'd I miss, anyways, besides a whole bunch of backstory? Don't need no stinkin' backstory. Just gorgeous man/man visuals!
I'm really just a slashslut, in it for the primetime man/man full-on heavy kisses. And apparently, Capt. Jack is a slashslut's dream, since he seems to be kissing a different man in every other episode I've seen so far.
Tonight, my bf & I watched the 4th DVD in the Season 1 BSG -- with some time off in the middle to watch an encore of last week's Torchwood episode and tonight's new ep of Torchwood, which involved a Capt. Jack/Ianto kiss.
What's so fab about Captain Jack's kisses is that they're not those lame-ass early80s Masterpiece Theatre man-man "moments" composed largely of longing glances and then maybe a quick peck (if you're lucky). These are serious, hot, long, tongue-y kisses. Yay! *fans self*
Made my boyfriend intensely uncomfortable. TFB. He'll get used to it. I've seen far too many bits of his Dirty Debutantes and MILF pornos when we switch over from his VCR to watch DVDs at his house. He has his porn. I have mine.
He also knows (from previous experience at the cinema seeing Brokeback Mountain) that the surest way to get me in the mood for snogging is to show me some man-on-man. So he can tolerate the man-on-man for what it will get him. Like most men, he'll put up with that which he normally wouldn't, just for nookie. So predictable. Men.
In other news... I don't have other news. Except the same ongoing. Which, um, I try not to think about unless it's smacking me in the face. I read a really cheering article in Prevention mag that cited an study stating that grief, even just "disappointment" (their word, not mine) can widely affect one's job performance, even if you're as high-level as a CEO. Wow, what rocket science. And the way to counteract this? Don't let your negative thoughts build a strong pathway in your brain. Counteract them with positivity. Snap yourself out of it -- with a rubberband on your wrist, if you have to.
So, um, when you were already a depressive. And then you developed a chronic medical condition that goes into remission and relapse (spring '03). Then your dad gets hit by a car (june '03) and begins a long slow deterioration into dementia and being wheelchair bound (june '03-dec. '03), which (since you're not working) results in you being the primary caregiver... And then he goes into a nursing home, but not a nice nursing home, a shit hole nursing home because at the last minute, your sister with the medical power of attorney sends him to a different home than the one you all voted on and than the one which won the majority vote... where he proceeds to go from weighing 159 lbs. to 131 lbs. in 7 months (jan.'04-july '04) because they don't have the appropriate staff to help him eat, let alone recognize his deterioration. And your bf tells you that he doesn't really want to marry you (dec. '04). And you break up. And you try to "stay friends." And your dad gets pneumonia twice (march '04, aug '04). And the third time he gets pneumonia, it finally kills him (jan. '05). And you're trying to go to school and retrain for another job during this entire time, taking prereqs. Amazingly, you maintain a B+ grade point average, though you haven't been in college for ten years.
And after your dad dies, you finish your prereqs and apply to three nursing schools. Two of which reject you for bachelor of science programs, even though you already have one BA from the early 90s. Then you get into the one (jun '05). Then one of your most beloved cats dies (july '05). Then nursing school begins to kick your ass (aug. '05). And your stepdad, who was actually a much nicer father figure than your real dad, much saner and a much more decent human being, is diagnosed with prostate cancer (sep. '05) but refuses to get treatment for it because it causes manliness problems.
And when nursing school is well on the way to ruining your life (because you no longer have one, because nursing school RUNS your life), your mother is diagnosed with lung cancer (march '06). And she has surgery right before your final exams at the end of the first year of nursing school -- one of which you fail (yet somehow still pass the class) (may '06). And your stepfather proceeds to get horribly worse (june '06-aug '06) and your mother goes through horrible chemo (june '06-aug '06). And you're trying to take a couple nursing courses in the summer because you know in fall your mother starts radiation and you're not sure she will be able to do anything, the chemo is hitting her so hard and they say radiation is worse.
And you are again the primary caregiver because you live in the apartment above them. And the only reason you don't have a complete nervous breakdown is because you get sliding scale counseling and psychiatrist appointments and free sample meds because you're so broke and you've been unemployed so long and everyone you know who continues working through nursing school winds up failing out of it. So you don't -quite- have a nervous breakdown but you feel on the edge all the time. And it's not like Valium or Xanax or even Klonipin or something usefully tranquilizing like that. Just antidepressants. But you drag yourself through the days competently enough. Still maintaining a B average while you feel like your head is going to explode.
Then your stepdad gets some chemo that seems to help, but it makes him as emotional as a menopausal woman (because it's female hormones) (aug '06). Your "just friends" relationship with your ex-bf has become bf-gf again (july-aug '06). And you start your 2nd year of nursing school, the burden of which is slightly lessened by the courses you took in summer, which you passed, even though you failed the final exam of one of them (aug. '06). And your mom goes through radiation and you go through a second year of nursing school that kicks your ass far harder than the first (aug. '06-may '07). Your bf now wants to marry you, but only if you convert to his Catholicism, though he never goes to mass anymore (dec. '06).
And your mom misses every major holiday and family gathering because she either can't stop vomiting or can't get out of bed or both (may '06-dec '06) and she's turning into skin and bones because she can't or won't eat because the chemo and radiation have changed her taste and tastebuds and you try cooking everything and finally ANYTHING to get her to eat but it's only about 2 teaspoons per meal and then she's done and she goes back to bed. And she starts feeling a little better (jan '07) but then develops radiation pneumonitis (feb '07).
And when you finally tell your bf you'll convert, he misunderstands and thinks you're really accepting Catholicism as your religion, whereas you're really just willing to tell a priest whatever he wants to hear and, more importantly, pay whatever you have to pay to get married in a Catholic church, but this is not satisfactory to your bf, because it's not "genuine" and you're doing it in word only, not in thought, so now he's backing off on the whole wanting to get married thing (feb. '07).
And when your mom finally starts feeling a lot better, she discovers her cancer has returned (april '07). But she starts chemo again (may-june '07). And even though you again think you're gonna have a nervous breakdown, you make it through nursing school and graduate (may '07). Then you take a job you think is going to be restful because it's being a daycamp nurse in a forest, but you overdraw your checking account twice because it's a minimum wage job. And your step dad is losing his bowels slowly to invasive prostate cancer. (feb. '07-aug. '07). And your mom starts feeling better, but your stepdad gets much worse (aug. '07-sep '07) until he has a sudden swift downturn (oct '07) and goes on hospice care and is dead in less than two weeks (oct '07).
And your mom is devastated because she always thought her lung cancer would certainly kill her before his prostate cancer killed him, but that's not how it worked out. And you get hired in an incredibly stressful ER (aug. '07) and begin working on the night shift (oct '07) and discover that there's a cabal of older white nurses who for some unknown reason, just don't like you, and gossip and say shitty things about you behind your back. (oct '07-feb '08). And you grow to dread your job because of this. And your mom barely leaves the house (oct '07-jan '08) because of her grief. And then when she's gotten past the holidays, the worst of it, you think, and she's started to venture out more (late jan '08) -- it turns out her cancer has returned (feb. '08) and you don't think you can really take much more of this between the job stress from your bitchy, nasty coworkers and your mom's cancer and new chemo.
So, um, where was the part where I was supposed to stop using the grief-and-disappointment chemical/signal pathways of my brain?
Oh, silly me. I forgot: that extremely brief respite, the week I spent in Amsterdam in January '04... when I was high as a kite every day on legal marijuana, legal mushrooms, or both.
Yeah. Um. Something tells me that one little week of happy, stoned chemical pathways in my brain in Jan '04 was not enough to undo all the negative chemical pathways that had already worn they're way into habit, supposedly, by then. Nor could they have prevented or lessened all the negative thoughts that were to unavoidably come.
I love how the solution to these problems -- if you believe these self-help articles like this -- subtly provide yet more ways to blame the individual for their own problems. Like, if you're still grieving and depressed, it's your fault! because you didn't think "positive thoughts!" Because you didn't think your problems away! Because you "focus on your grief" and you didn't learn to immediately recognize your intrusive "negative thoughts" and counteract them with "positivity" and "gratitude."
And that if you just practice these methods, all will be well and you will stop being overwhelmed with sadness, sorrow, grief and the knowledge that still more shadows hang over your life -- such as the inevitable, and too-early death of your last remaining parent, the one you had probably the best relationship with, one who it's looking very likely will not live long enough to see you married or have children because (1) those things look like they're not even going to happen for you, and (2) if they do, they're not going to happen soon while all this other shit is going on in your life, which means by the time they do, IF they do, she will be dead.
Because, clearly, the 450 mgs of Wellbutrin XL and the 50 mgs of Elavil you take a day aren't lifting your thoughts into positive thinking and thereby creating positive-thought chemical pathways and networks.
So it must be your fault for continuing to let negative thoughts dominate your thinking.
Never mind what's actually happened in your life the last five years.
I could drink alcohol -- it sure does make me feel better and more cheerful. But that will just cause another set of problems and interference with my functioning.
So. Escapism it is. Captain Jack, the Torchwood crew are just the latest. There's CSI, BSG, a new season of Dirt is coming (as is new BSG, and the most recent Razor), maybe another season of The Riches -- as well as all those DS F/K fics, HCL fic, reading fic, writing fic, re-watching the sadly short-lived Veronica Mars, re-watching the sadly short first season of Moonlight, re-runs of X-files and DVDs of Forever Knight.
Escapism is the only thing that for sure gets my thoughts away from me, my family, my world, my present, my future. I'll grant that some of the shows are pretty dark. But I'd rather watch the problems of fictional people that work out in the end, at least sometimes, than spend time thinking about my own, which tend not to. I have my cats, who always love me, the way animals always love the people who feed them and keep them warm. And at least I did graduate from nursing school and get into a new career. Surrounded by ostracizing bitches, to be sure, but it's a living. I can put being broke behind me. And I can afford more DVDs. Like, maybe the 1st season of Torchwood, even if it is $50. Because the megabyte restrictions per 24 hours when trying to download episodes is really fucking annoying.
The only actual news is, the doc finally got back to my mom about the pathology results on the fluid they drew off her lung. They didn't find any cancer cells in it. However, considering that they sampled a few drops, and they drew almost a liter off her, he said they call that "sampling error." So, according to doc, most likely there were cancer cells in the fluid... just not in the few drops they looked at. Uh-huh. Fortunately, my mom is getting the skin rash (which supposedly means her cancer is responsive to the drug)... and also bad diarrhea, which is currently handled by OTC Immodium or its generic equivalent. So. Small favors. Oh, look. A positive thought. It's like a fucking needle in a haystack. Or, as Col. Tigh says, a grain of salt on a sand beach. Woohoo.
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no subject
Date: 2008-02-10 07:02 pm (UTC)"Out of Time" - has good Owen in it two. Somewhat angsty. Hmm. Looking at what's going on in your life right now, this ep may be hard on you.
"Capt. Jack Harkness" - a really, really lovely kissing scene - full of both passion and emotional intimacy in a way I simply don't see i male/male encoutners in media. Also, somewhat angsty.
"They Keep Killng Suzie" - well, it will be confusing b'cause you need to see the pilot for it to make sense but it has Ianto/Jack flirting at the end.
no subject
Date: 2008-02-12 10:18 am (UTC)Oh, yes. It certainly was intimate. And angsty. I'll never say no to angst.
As for what I'm going through and how it may make things hard on me -- I had totally forgotten (somehow) that Laura Roslin has cancer in season 1 of BSG... until I started watching it with my bf last week. That put me in tears. I figure it will wind up cathartic. Everything is so close to the surface for me, many things that would ordinarily never have made me cry, now do (in terms of TV, movies) -- let alone the intentional tearjerkers.
Going to see Casablanca with the bf Friday night. Bringing lots of Kleenex...
And thank you so much for the recs. Planning to fully indulge my latest escapist joy, so the recs help with the pesky download limits.
no subject
Date: 2008-02-10 09:11 pm (UTC)I say, go on, buy all the dvd's you can get! I haven't seen Torchwood but from what I hear it's really good! Enjoy it!
Love, max
no subject
Date: 2008-02-12 10:19 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-02-15 02:30 am (UTC)I see you got hold of Torchwood! Excellent! However, yes, the restrictions when trying to download a whole series can suck. I use torrent, which can be really slow, but I leave my computer on while I sleep which helps speed things along a tad.
Regarding all of your real life stuff - there's nothing I can say to make you feel better, because you've had to go through (and are still going through) some seriously shitty stuff that no one should have to deal with. I thought I had it tough with my family, but I really don't compared to what you've been having to deal with. (My real life stuff is behind a friends lock.) I just wanted to tell you I found this an interesting read and I empathise a great deal.
I'm exactly like you; fandom is my way of escaping. I don't need anti-depressants, just give me a TV and internet access and that's my therapy!
Escapism is the only thing that for sure gets my thoughts away from me, my family, my world, my present, my future. I'll grant that some of the shows are pretty dark. But I'd rather watch the problems of fictional people that work out in the end, at least sometimes, than spend time thinking about my own, which tend not to.
Couldn’t have said it beter myself!
PS OMG that out-take! I hadn't seen that before!! Thank you so much for posting it! Just how many takes of the kiss did they do?!?! So far, I count three – the one I saw aired on the BBC, the behind the scenes look at them kissing (Torchwood De-classified) and now this... Oh, how I would love to see more...
no subject
Date: 2008-02-16 09:09 pm (UTC)I was snooping around, trying to see what I could get off the BBC official Torchwood site (not the BBC America Torchwood site), despite coming from an American ISP (and therefore an American IP address -- grrrrr). That's when I found the outtake pic with their coats off.
Where is the TW De-classified stuff? Or was that something you Torrent-ed?
Thanks for offering to hook me up with TW online... I have found my own devious connections (hence the daily download limits -- but I found a way around those, too, using Tor (https://www.torproject.org/) and Vidalia (http://vidalia-project.net/index.php), which allow you to surf anonymously and change identities, thus fooling places like Megaupload, Sendspace, etc. Sometimes you have to delete all your cookies first, though.)
Sadly, I've never been able to figure out the torrent stuff. I've tried a number of times, and just never seem to get it to work.
Anyway. Thank you kindly for your empathetic comments. Nice to have people to commiserate with.
Oh, and as regards the CKR-as-lover vid -- yes, actually I have had the concept in mind for some time, but I didn't start snipping clips out of his numerous TV shows and films until recently. Originally I wanted to make a "CKR-as-ladies'-man" vid, but when I started reviewing his filmography again (such a chore -- not!), it seemed that it would be much more fun to make a "CKR-as-lover" vid that included some of his best romantic/sex scenes with both women and men -- although, sad to say, he hasn't really got any sex scenes with men to speak of, although there are some very romantic CKR/m moments, and the CKR/Don McKellar kiss in Last Night.
So, it's still in the "collecting clips" stage!
btw -- do not worry at all about tardiness in replying! As you see, I am not punctual either. I completely understand about not being able to use the computer for days on end. Due to my MPS, I am not a frequent poster anywhere, and mainly just lurk. Even on my own LJ, I may post wordy updates, but they aren't nearly as frequently as most bloggers. I just can't. My wrists, shoulders, neck and back can't take it anymore.
So I totally understand when others can't, either, whether it's a physical issue or cognitive or whatever. I have been there, and the days of me being on the 'net for hours at a time, day after day after day, chatting and blogging -- well, they're gone forever. I no longer have the physical capacity to do that anymore.
That's one reason I chose nursing for my career change after I got laid off. It's one of the few occupations left which don't require you to sit in front of a computer and keyboard all damn day (unless you want to; there are nursing jobs that require computer usage, if you want them...). Nursing is tiring, and you're on your feet a lot, but you're usually moving. And you're using large muscles (legs, calves, thighs while walking; upper arms to lift/move patients) as much as, or more than, small muscles (of the fingers, hands, wrists). So... don't worry about timeliness in replies. I'm sure you get to things like I do: when you can.
Cheers--