Writer's Block: Twilight becomes you
Nov. 22nd, 2009 06:42 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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I will see New Moon when I get a DVD bootleg or it comes to the $3 bargain theater. Twilight was so bad, I regretted the $3 spent, but it was WAY better than the book Twilight. However, I seriously doubt the movies could EVER be as bad as the books. Stephanie Meyers is a terrible writer. So I'm cheered to hear from critics that New Moon, the movie, is not as bad as Twilight, the movie, which was not good, although it was still way better than the book.
I can't believe Writer's Block is asking about this, but since they asked...
"It was seventy five degrees..." "I was wearing..." "It was in this town..." "I was a little worried about..." "I was suspicious..." I was, I was, I was... this is seriously the worst writing in first person passive I have ever read. Do they have Darwin awards for bad writing that wasn't intentionally bad? Because, if so, Stephanie Meyer should get first place. How about some action verbs in there? "I wore" instead of "I was wearing"; "In this town," instead of "It was in this town"; "I worried" instead of "I was a little worried"; "I asked suspiciously" instead of "I was suspicious" -- come on, this isn't even Fiction Writing 101 quality. If she submitted this for a paper in college she would (and should) get a C or D.
Charlaine Harris (Southern Vampire series, the novels behind HBO's True Blood) is WAY MORE COMPETENT a vampire writer than Meyer. Anne Rice is way, WAY more competent than Meyer (although, imo, her first was her best: Interview With The Vampire really has no competition; it's prose may be a bit florid, but the entire thing is written so grippingly and descriptively, it's like an opium hallucination or fever dream.
When I finished Twilight -- and it was an impossible chore; I had to struggle because the prose is so stagnant and stultifyingly boring with it's constant first-person-passive construction -- I realized that now a thousand typing monkeys could get a multi-book publishing deal, too. Because if Stephanie Meyers could on the basis of the novel Twilight, then a thousand monkeys typing at typewriters (or computers, now) certainly can.
Go for Charlaine Harris. Or Anne Rice. Even Laurell K. Hamilton's stuff is better than Meyer (and Hamilton has gotten unbelievably shlocky; the first few Anita Blake vampire-slayer novels were the best, imo, although the last several were the porniest) -- and that's not saying much.
See what *real* vampire writers can do with the story, how their prose and plots pull you in and drag you with, rather than boring you to death and putting you off.
Seriously, I am not seeing New Moon in the theaters unless it's a bargain theater long after New Moon has burnt out at the box office. I don't think I can stomach the fanbase in a first run theater, and I most certainly am not paying $10.00 for a full price movie ticket to go see it. Even naked male abs in the rain, repeatedly, isn't really worth the $10 when I can see that (and so much more) on the Internet, for free.
I will see New Moon when I get a DVD bootleg or it comes to the $3 bargain theater. Twilight was so bad, I regretted the $3 spent, but it was WAY better than the book Twilight. However, I seriously doubt the movies could EVER be as bad as the books. Stephanie Meyers is a terrible writer. So I'm cheered to hear from critics that New Moon, the movie, is not as bad as Twilight, the movie, which was not good, although it was still way better than the book.
I can't believe Writer's Block is asking about this, but since they asked...
"It was seventy five degrees..." "I was wearing..." "It was in this town..." "I was a little worried about..." "I was suspicious..." I was, I was, I was... this is seriously the worst writing in first person passive I have ever read. Do they have Darwin awards for bad writing that wasn't intentionally bad? Because, if so, Stephanie Meyer should get first place. How about some action verbs in there? "I wore" instead of "I was wearing"; "In this town," instead of "It was in this town"; "I worried" instead of "I was a little worried"; "I asked suspiciously" instead of "I was suspicious" -- come on, this isn't even Fiction Writing 101 quality. If she submitted this for a paper in college she would (and should) get a C or D.
Charlaine Harris (Southern Vampire series, the novels behind HBO's True Blood) is WAY MORE COMPETENT a vampire writer than Meyer. Anne Rice is way, WAY more competent than Meyer (although, imo, her first was her best: Interview With The Vampire really has no competition; it's prose may be a bit florid, but the entire thing is written so grippingly and descriptively, it's like an opium hallucination or fever dream.
When I finished Twilight -- and it was an impossible chore; I had to struggle because the prose is so stagnant and stultifyingly boring with it's constant first-person-passive construction -- I realized that now a thousand typing monkeys could get a multi-book publishing deal, too. Because if Stephanie Meyers could on the basis of the novel Twilight, then a thousand monkeys typing at typewriters (or computers, now) certainly can.
Go for Charlaine Harris. Or Anne Rice. Even Laurell K. Hamilton's stuff is better than Meyer (and Hamilton has gotten unbelievably shlocky; the first few Anita Blake vampire-slayer novels were the best, imo, although the last several were the porniest) -- and that's not saying much.
See what *real* vampire writers can do with the story, how their prose and plots pull you in and drag you with, rather than boring you to death and putting you off.
Seriously, I am not seeing New Moon in the theaters unless it's a bargain theater long after New Moon has burnt out at the box office. I don't think I can stomach the fanbase in a first run theater, and I most certainly am not paying $10.00 for a full price movie ticket to go see it. Even naked male abs in the rain, repeatedly, isn't really worth the $10 when I can see that (and so much more) on the Internet, for free.
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Date: 2009-11-23 04:35 am (UTC)Yikes, not that I'm in it solely for the porn,but everything you've mentioned about the tantrums about her *lifestyle* and how it has bled over into her work just makes me go all cringe-y.
It's kinda like the opposite version of what happened to Anne Rice when she became a believer again and renounced the vampire/witches books--for some time, at least.
Re the second Twilight movie: one of my sisters is a mild fan of the books so, I think I'll just wait around til the movie comes out on dvd (which I know she'll buy). Then, I'll borrow it and snark away along my other sister.
I've read way better fanfic porn. Hell, I've written way better fanfic porn. *toots own horn*
Yes, you have, little lady! *shakes maracas 'cause I have zero musical inclinations* Hee!
After I pay that huge library fine...
Oh, you too, eh? Thankfully, I usually borrow the lesser known books so, I can *usually* renew them online.
I think Teeth is the feminist fear-of-women's-sexuality movie people claimed Ginger Snaps and all its sequels were (but weren't).
*nods* For one thing, I never really *connected* with any of the Ginger Snaps' characters (even though I really wanted to). So I never got the reason for the hype.
As for Teeth, I absolutely loved it even though, like you, I kinda hoped it ended up going somewhere. As a matter of fact, I was with the movie up until the end. The same thing happened about ten years back when I first saw My Own Private Idaho. Still, I loved both movies enough to buy them on dvd and watch either of them every so often.
The Kelley Armstrong books sound intriguing, though.
It's written by a Canadian (and this was YEARS before I even knew of C6D--such is the power of fandom!) and partly set in Canada. Toronto to be exact.
Basically, it's about a woman named Elena who is the only female werewolf in the world. There's a Pack (which includes her ex-lover--who's also the guy who bit her) for whom she hunts the Mutts (rogue werewolves). In the first book, Bitten, she's a journalist with a normal boyfriend (who doesn't know about her wolfy side).
What drew me in was the fact that she's a little more complicated (both by virtue of her background and her werewolf side) and, I don't know, real than what I've encountered. I lent it to my younger sister about three years ago and I remember she liked it too. Right now there are three other books in the series. I haven't read the last two. Yet.