verushka70

"normal" is a category that should not and does not apply to you.

Not that that label applies to anyone I have ever met, or anyone in my family or circle of friends, or my teachers or coworkers or people I know online. It's a bullshit arbitrary standard, and the fact that you feel like you aren't measuring up to this impossible imaginary standard for so many years is an incredible wrong.

You're right of course. But it's not so much that I want to measure up. I would just like some of those things that so-called normal people seem to have. A working SO relationship that leads to... a real commitment and settling down. Have a rugrat or two maybe. Or at least my cats and a dog or two. But these seem as far away as ever. Except maybe the dogs. Which will just turn me into scary single animal lover woman. (I am already poised to be, or am, scary single cat lover woman). Sigh.

I know it's painful to end a relationship, but I think you made the right decision. The way he spoke to you and the way he's made you feel about yourself is not the way you deserve to be treated.

Ironically, he talked me out of it. What a mistake that was... to be continued in a short, bitchy blog entry.

I did have an epiphany, though. All this time I'd been thinking, "Oh, but he's been there for me through all these personal/family tragedies... he must be a good guy." Then it suddenly occurred to me the other day: that's not some amazing quality in a man. That is a BARE MINIMUM of human decency. sure, some guys wouldn't have been up to it, but I'd have kicked them to the curb long ago. But somehow I deluded myself into thinking my bf was a lot more supportive than he really has been. oh well. that's over, now.