Blood Ties; writer's block; fight w/bf
Apr. 30th, 2007 12:30 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
verushka70Well, as lame as it may be, I've started watching Blood Ties. I never thought I'd watch anything on Lifetime "television for women" but it's about an ex-cop female P.I. who's friends with a 480 yr old forever-young vampire hottie (who ever thought that this particular type of vampire-human relationship would become a cliche? And yet it is.) She's got unresolved feelings for her male ex-partner who's now a detective, as well as for the vamp. So, M-F-M love triangle possibilities (and 3some fanfic possibilities, I suppose). It's extremely cheesy, not nearly as well-written as BTVS or Angel. I'm afraid Blood Ties fanfic would be better written than the show. I prefer things the other way around -- a show so well-written, the fanfic has to strive to reach that level of quality. But oh well. At least Blood Ties is shot in Toronto with a bunch of Canadian actors. And I like Christina Cox.
I'm stuck in my Joe Dick/Jerry Bines story. Worked on it this past weekend, but I'm stuck how to get them together. Joe's motivation is no problem, but why would Bines let Joe? In the FTWHTWD novel, Bines nearly killed a guy (or maybe did kill him) for trying to rape him in prison. Dunno how faithful I should be to that -- it's not in the FTWHTWD movie with CKR. Maybe I could write it so Jerry had one long-term m/m relationship in prison, instead of raped or being raped. I sure can't see him being passed around as one of the prison bitches -- not Bines. In the novel & movie, too many people are afraid of him and he's feared as a killer. Maybe Bines got into guys from something like the "families" in the prison rape documentary Turned Out. 'Cept if Bines were in a "family", I can only picture him as the head of the family, not one of the harem seeking protection. I can see him as a benign head of family. Maybe he'd only make a guy suck his cock once, then not fuck the guy unless the guy wanted to. Except how would I explain all that back story, when Bines is so non-talkative, and the story is from Joe's POV? Maybe he tells Joe about it when they get it on.
So I had another fight w/my bf M-----. I just can't do anything right with him & I'm sick of him criticizing how I drive, when it's just that he is the control freak who can't stand it when someone else is driving. I was like, why the fuck are you telling me to turn left when I'm already in the LEFT TURN ONLY lane, which should be obvious by the VERY FUCKING LARGE WHITE ARROW POINTING LEFT in this lane? He's not a fighter, though. He's a criticizer. So he wouldn't talk to me the whole way home (we had gone to see Grindhouse -- very amusing, very over-the-top; I don't know which movie I liked better, Rodriguez' or Tarentino's. The more I watch Tarentino movies, the more I think he's a closet transgender M-2-F. I dunno. He just has this THING with women. But I digress.) So then M---- blew me off for the whole weekend. We were supposed to go to some of the Art!Chicago stuff that's going on, but he waits until 4pm Saturday to tell me he needs some time alone -- and then only because I ASKED via text message on our fucking phones. I don't understand men. I've never understood any of the guys I've been with, ultimately, and I don't understand this one.
I don't know what his fucking thinking is -- we have a fight, and suddenly he's acting like we gotta be separate for days. WTF? One fight isn't the end of the line. It's a bump in the road. And I told him, FINE -- even though I am the one who can drive stick, and you can't; even though I can drive with my knees, and you can't; even though I started driving with my dad when I was 13, and you didn't -- FINE: every time you go out, since you have to tell me every little way in which I drive badly, then you're gonna drive us everywhere we go, which means picking me up and dropping me off. Then, in horror, I realized what that meant: that's exactly what he has to do with his mother, who never learned how to drive. (Thank god she lives in Mexico 9-10 months out of the year. I already went through that with my 100% Polish Catholic boyfriend in the early 90s, whose Polish-emigre mother who spoke no English, except selectively understood some(!), she also didn't fucking drive and he had to drive her everywhere (and she insisted in sitting up front with him, and making me sit in the back seat! Got I was so young & stupid!).
So then I yelled at M----, "Look at what you're doing! You're turning me into your mother!" Which is when he stopped talking to me. So now he wants to meet tonight at a "neutral location" although I sent him a txt msg asking "R U breaking up w/me?" and he replied "no." So we're supposed to meet @ 7 at a hot dog place and I'm wondering what the hell I'm going to get from him this time. I don't know. Is this how relationships are supposed to go? I don't know what the fuck I'm doing. I'm really great at bailing when shit gets bad. But this isn't that bad, compared to past relationships of mine with far crazier guys, and my complicity in them. So even though my instinct is to say, Fuck it, this isn't working, it's never gonna work, let's just call it quits, I'm not doing that because... well, I do love him, & I think he loves me, too. But he drives me fuckin' crazy sometimes. I guess I'll see what he says tonight. I'll just sit there & not talk (like he does!) and let him do all the talking.
Oh, and one of my nursing instructors helped me revise my resume. And told me that my HESI score virtually guarantees I'll pass the NCLEX-RN on the first try. Yay.
I'm stuck in my Joe Dick/Jerry Bines story. Worked on it this past weekend, but I'm stuck how to get them together. Joe's motivation is no problem, but why would Bines let Joe? In the FTWHTWD novel, Bines nearly killed a guy (or maybe did kill him) for trying to rape him in prison. Dunno how faithful I should be to that -- it's not in the FTWHTWD movie with CKR. Maybe I could write it so Jerry had one long-term m/m relationship in prison, instead of raped or being raped. I sure can't see him being passed around as one of the prison bitches -- not Bines. In the novel & movie, too many people are afraid of him and he's feared as a killer. Maybe Bines got into guys from something like the "families" in the prison rape documentary Turned Out. 'Cept if Bines were in a "family", I can only picture him as the head of the family, not one of the harem seeking protection. I can see him as a benign head of family. Maybe he'd only make a guy suck his cock once, then not fuck the guy unless the guy wanted to. Except how would I explain all that back story, when Bines is so non-talkative, and the story is from Joe's POV? Maybe he tells Joe about it when they get it on.
So I had another fight w/my bf M-----. I just can't do anything right with him & I'm sick of him criticizing how I drive, when it's just that he is the control freak who can't stand it when someone else is driving. I was like, why the fuck are you telling me to turn left when I'm already in the LEFT TURN ONLY lane, which should be obvious by the VERY FUCKING LARGE WHITE ARROW POINTING LEFT in this lane? He's not a fighter, though. He's a criticizer. So he wouldn't talk to me the whole way home (we had gone to see Grindhouse -- very amusing, very over-the-top; I don't know which movie I liked better, Rodriguez' or Tarentino's. The more I watch Tarentino movies, the more I think he's a closet transgender M-2-F. I dunno. He just has this THING with women. But I digress.) So then M---- blew me off for the whole weekend. We were supposed to go to some of the Art!Chicago stuff that's going on, but he waits until 4pm Saturday to tell me he needs some time alone -- and then only because I ASKED via text message on our fucking phones. I don't understand men. I've never understood any of the guys I've been with, ultimately, and I don't understand this one.
I don't know what his fucking thinking is -- we have a fight, and suddenly he's acting like we gotta be separate for days. WTF? One fight isn't the end of the line. It's a bump in the road. And I told him, FINE -- even though I am the one who can drive stick, and you can't; even though I can drive with my knees, and you can't; even though I started driving with my dad when I was 13, and you didn't -- FINE: every time you go out, since you have to tell me every little way in which I drive badly, then you're gonna drive us everywhere we go, which means picking me up and dropping me off. Then, in horror, I realized what that meant: that's exactly what he has to do with his mother, who never learned how to drive. (Thank god she lives in Mexico 9-10 months out of the year. I already went through that with my 100% Polish Catholic boyfriend in the early 90s, whose Polish-emigre mother who spoke no English, except selectively understood some(!), she also didn't fucking drive and he had to drive her everywhere (and she insisted in sitting up front with him, and making me sit in the back seat! Got I was so young & stupid!).
So then I yelled at M----, "Look at what you're doing! You're turning me into your mother!" Which is when he stopped talking to me. So now he wants to meet tonight at a "neutral location" although I sent him a txt msg asking "R U breaking up w/me?" and he replied "no." So we're supposed to meet @ 7 at a hot dog place and I'm wondering what the hell I'm going to get from him this time. I don't know. Is this how relationships are supposed to go? I don't know what the fuck I'm doing. I'm really great at bailing when shit gets bad. But this isn't that bad, compared to past relationships of mine with far crazier guys, and my complicity in them. So even though my instinct is to say, Fuck it, this isn't working, it's never gonna work, let's just call it quits, I'm not doing that because... well, I do love him, & I think he loves me, too. But he drives me fuckin' crazy sometimes. I guess I'll see what he says tonight. I'll just sit there & not talk (like he does!) and let him do all the talking.
Oh, and one of my nursing instructors helped me revise my resume. And told me that my HESI score virtually guarantees I'll pass the NCLEX-RN on the first try. Yay.