verushka70: S4E1 Walt alone silhouette wearing hat and holding shotgun (Default)
Here's a permissions thingy:

Blanket permission to podfic as desired. I would be incredibly flattered. Just link back.

Conditional permission to remix fic: Please no remixes into non-canonical kidfic or mpreg.
verushka70: S4E1 Walt alone silhouette wearing hat and holding shotgun (headstones)
Last night was a happy night of TV for me. First of all, I am done with classes and I could actually WATCH TV without feeling guilty that I wasn't studying or worrying that watching TV would lower my grade on a test the next day!
Read more... )
I think I'm on my way to finishing up the HCL/FTWHTWD xover Joe Dick/Jerry Bines story. As usual, this hasn't been accomplished in less than 10,000 words. Hell, it's already just over 10,000 words and they've only just met and eyeballed each other. Joe's spent the first 10,000 words hitch hiking/drifting eastward across Canada after a short acoustic tour, having cold, anonymous, and unfulfilling sex (and doing a lot of drugs and drinking) with men & women along the way... because he's searching, longing, wanting, needing Billy and doing whatever he can to tamp that down. He's basically adrift because Billy's been gone for a few years now.

So to summarize, the first 10,000 words is Joe doing "whatever I want. I don't know. Fuckin' around. I get by. Play a little fuckin' acoustic gig once in a while. I'm Joe Dick. People come and see that." (as he says to Bruce at he beginning of HCL, in response to the question "So, Joe, what have you been doing for five years?")

So Joe's first meeting w/Bines is quite a kick in the head for him. I'm thinking of adding a dynamic whereby Joe's badassness is dwarfed by Bines' true badassness, having already been to prison more than once, and also having killed people. So Joe, who is normally pushy, aggressive, possessive and in pursuit of Billy, suddenly runs up against someone who is more quietly dominant than him. But that's kind of what he needs. Because in all his pursuit of Billy, Joe never had the chance to really be the pursued, the bottom, whatever. Nor could he ever really be sure or secure that he was The One for Billy. (And if he was, why'd Billy leave?)

This is the sort of temporary chance he gets with Jerry Bines. Because Bines just has that quiet but not unkind authority, and he'll make up his mind and just do what needs to be done. Joe is Mr. Multiple Misdemeanors... whereas Jerry is King Felony, but quietly authoritative, not pushy or outspoken like Joe. And Joe is already beaten down enough -- though in denial about it -- from Billy's "abandonment" (I'm not saying that's what Billy did, only that Joe might see it that way) that he really longs to be taken down, taken in, just taken and possessed in ways that he has never really been able to let Billy either because Billy wouldn't or couldn't or Joe just never let him. So it's like a "mini-do-over" for Joe, or at least that's what he can pretend, and so he can achieve some measure of solace and closure that all the liquor and booze and meaningless, anonymous sex in the world hasn't yet been able to give him.

So, I just have to write the Joe/Jerry hook-up, hot sex, solace & closure part now. That'll probably take another 10,000 words... sigh.

Even though this is a Joe/Jerry xover story, and there's no Billy flashbacks or memories, there's just Joe obliviating himself with liquor, drugs, and lots of sex with strangers, I realize now it's been written such that Billy basically haunts Joe through the entire story, and the meeting with Jerry is the first (maybe only) opportunity Joe has to exorcise the ghost of Billy -- truly confront it, face the fact that he's haunted, let it wash over him, drown himself in it, and then let it go. Or at least, that's how it is turning out. I never know exactly how things are going to go in a story until I'm writing it. And even then, things seem like they can take on a life of their own and then they (the characters) dictate what's going to happen. Like, I'm just channeling them or something, and they're writing it through me. It's weird. I wish I could get motivated enough by truly fictional characters of my own to get into that headspace. Maybe someday. In the meantime, hey, I do it because I love it and I finally can because I've got the time and space. Yay.

ETA: Did I say angst? I didn't. Okay, angst. It's Joe angst. Because angst-y Joe is so... so... compelling.
verushka70: S4E1 Walt alone silhouette wearing hat and holding shotgun (HughDillon DTTB)
My spring break is ruined. RU-INed. I signed up for this exam review (frakkin' mistake, I think), which took up Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday this week from 8am to 1 or 2pm (depending on the day).

I have a paper due Tuesday, which I had to write. APA style, muliple sources, citations, yadda yadda. It ended up being 9 pages.

I have another paper due, a care plan actually, next Thursday. Starting work on that, since I finished the paper yesterday.

I have an exam next Tuesday, for which I've barely studied.

Was supposed to go visit my sister in Madison (WI) this weekend, but that's not happening because I have all this shit to do.

Yesterday was the last day of my spring break. It's over now, and I didn't go anywhere or do anything.

Oh, I take that back. My bf and I drove up and down Lake Shore Drive in the fog last night. We stopped at Montrose harbor. In the dark and the fog, you couldn't tell the difference between the water, the fog, and the sky. That was the ONLY cool thing about my spring break. I'm so stressed out I think I'm getting my period again (and I just had it a couple weeks ago, not my usual cycle) and my skin's breaking out. I hate that I'm pushing 40 and my skin's like a frakkin' teenager. Wtf? I have to contend with the advance of crows feet AND pimples?

And why the frak did they take Veronica Mars away for weeks and replace it with this Pussycat Dolls crap? If it was replacing any other show, I might even watch the Pussycat bullshit, but since it was VM, I'm pissed, and I refuse to watch it.

Pissed off. Can't wait 'til this shit is all over and I either pass that frakkin' HESI exit exam April 20th... or I don't. That's what I'm taking the review course for... the review course that's ruined my spring break.

OTOH, before the break, I had gotten pretty far into a HCL/FTWHTWD Joe Dick/Jerry Bines xover story. It's loaded with despondent explicit sex so far.
verushka70: S4E1 Walt alone silhouette wearing hat and holding shotgun (Default)
I keep telling myself... it's almost over, it's almost over, it's almost over... I passed pediatric nursing. I failed the final with a 70%, but I paC)ssed the class with a 77%. I have never worked so frakkin' hard for such a shitty grade: my one and only C in nursing school. boring crap about everyone getting Cs and us losing 2 more people )

I survived peds by (1) insane textbook reading, studying, review books, and practice questions and quizzes, and (B) watching about 4 hours of TV per week. Those 4 hours are inviolate. I don't talk on the phone, I don't try to read or study, I just watch my shows. The shows are BSG on Sunday night, Veronica Mars on Tuesday nights, Dirt after Veronica Mars, and CSI (LV) on Thursday nights. Oh, and I watched a bootleg DVD of Last King of Scotland Saturday night with my bf. I can see why Forest Whitaker (sp?) won the Oscar. I didn't watch any part of the Oscars. I read about them the next day in someone's newspaper.
complaints and praise about my shows this week so far )
And Veronica Mars. wtf, Logan!?! What happened to all that "lives ruined, blood shed" epic story stuff with Veronica? Now you're just whizz-bang done with Veronica, and already after Parker? Not even trying with Veronica? I admit, Veronica thinks she knows everything -- and she doesn't -- and her brittleness is starting to grate (has been). But you already know she's a hard sell and a tough cookie -- she always was! That's why you love her. Don't go for Parker. God. I mean, Parker's all right, but... eh, never mind.

I have no control over any of this... except in fanfic, of course. Of which I've written... almost none! Just about 2/3 of a HCL/FTWHTWD Joe Dick/Jerry Bines xover story, that I had to put away at the beginning of February. And I surprised myself: it's got pegging! I don't even know how that happened... it just took on a life of it's own, so I let it go where it wanted to go. I have to finish it; I dropped it at the beginning of February because, honestly, I couldn't do that and study peds too. Fortunately I'm told that psych nursing isn't too hard. So I feel the need to immediately slack and work on my story. Ironically, in our management class this afternoon, they lectured on time management and tools for overcoming procrastination and time-wasting: prioritize, set goals, break big jobs into smaller tasks, develop the habit of finishing things you start. Well. As soon as I heard that in the lecture, I immediately thought of all my WIPs and unfinished series and stories and whatnot. So it looks like I'll be applying time management to... the area of my life that least needs it.

Yay. Much rejoicing. :P
verushka70: S4E1 Walt alone silhouette wearing hat and holding shotgun (pegfic)
Christ. As if it wasn't bad enough that I had an adorable 2 and 1/2 year old terminally ill kid as a patient a week and a half ago, which made me cry when I got home (to my mother, to my boyfriend, to my friends) -- yesterday I went to my student nurse rotation at a local grammar school and the nurse had called in sick! So I had to have my school nurse day rescheduled. Dammit! I just want this stuff to be OVER. I was having nightmares the first few weeks -- toddler serial killers (not killers of toddlers, but where the killer was a toddler!), pediatric hospitals crossed with concentration camps, saving a baby from a tornado by going through a "water lock" (like an air lock, but with water!) into an underground bomb shelter... This class has me shook up. And if I pass this, psychiatric nursing is next!

And on top of all of that, I just failed today's pediatrics exam. I got an 83% on the first exam (which would be a B in any other class, but in nursing, it's a C). On this morning's exam, I got a 71%. In any other class, 71% would be passing... but we must get 76%. I know, I know, higher standards for nurses, we don't want them killing the patients. And I'm not saying I want to be an "average nurse" -- of course not; I want to be a good nurse. But the questions are such trick questions on these exams! And there is so much they teach us in school that is USELESS out on the floor in the hospital. I'm not just talking out my ass -- I've had RNs that I've worked with in the hospitals TELL ME that once I get into the "real world," I'll find out all this school stuff means nothing and I'll never use it again!

So, of course, what have I done? I started my Joe Dick/Jerry Bines HCL/FTWHTWD xover story. It's set after Billy's left for LA, and Joe is hobo!Joe, unplugged!Joe, hitch-hiking!Joe mixed with on-the-road-bisexual-promiscuous!Joe... all to culminate in him meeting the spittin' image of Billy (Jerry) and doing things with Jerry he couldn't or wouldn't do with Billy or c/wouldn't let Billy do to him. In other words... it's porn.

Yay.
verushka70: S4E1 Walt alone silhouette wearing hat and holding shotgun (absinthe)
I am getting to hate Wednesday and Friday nights. I have to go to bed by 9:30/10 (21:30/22:00) so I can get up when it's still fucking dark at 4AM-ish in order to be at the hospital by 6AM for my pediatric nursing clinicals on Thursday and Saturday mornings. rant about early AM clinicals )
/squee/ Egad, I genfic-ed! I wrote VfV V/Evey fic! Not too explicit, but I hope to more explicitly plumb the depths of their dysfunctional relationship in future stories. But first... I feel a HCL/FTWHTWD Joe Dick/Jerry Bines crossover coming on.

Shit. Is it bad that I squee myself?

/sigh/ if I ever thought I'd outgrow this, well, I've been disabused of that notion. All I want to do is finish school, get a job, and work 3 days a week 12 hours per shift so I can write and squee myself more, maybe even four days a week. Right now, school is a most irritating interruption of my fic plans.

wondering if everything I write is porn? )

I had a strange thought earlier today (while I was writing up my pediatric clinical journal for yesterday's clinical, and should not have been thinking about fanfic of any kind) --

A V for Vendetta/The Prisoner crossover where the Rover makes an appearance would be fascinating. That damned Rover scared the shit out of me when I was a kid; it's still creepy to me now! And the mini-fascism of The Village where Number 6 was confined would've been a great V-liberation target. A showdown between V and The Rover would be really surreal, creepy and... weird enough for me to half-seriously consider writing.

Then I thought, Hey, a VfV/Interview With The Vampire crossover would solve the "[sob]why does V have to die!?" problem. As we saw in Interview w/the Vampire with little Claudia (movieverse but I think also in Anne Rice's novels), all one's imperfections are erased and one is not only restored but beautified by becoming a vampire. When you consider the way in which Lestat just wouldn't die despite Claudia's efforts to kill him, in such a crossoververse it would go without saying that V would survive if he just got some vampire blood in him. Then he could be reborn physically: Lestat-ified into Hugo Weaving-ishness. That could be ...pretty fucking cool! Or so I thought to myself.

Hmmmm.

The Rover...

/shudders/

btw: Pan's Labyrinth and Little Children -- very, very good films. Nothing like each other, but both very good.
verushka70: S4E1 Walt alone silhouette wearing hat and holding shotgun (icbad)
Well, I finally porned for the porn battle. Only ONE porn -- how pathetic. What can I say; I was enjoying my last few days of school break before the onslaught of the last semester of nursing school begins.

My tiny skirmish in the porn battle is:

Title: Everything
Fandom: Due South
Prompt: RayK/Fraser, jealousy
Note: angsty, NC-17

It was originally part of a much, much longer RayV/Fraser/RayK love triangle story I started years ago & never finished. It was equal opportunity angst-ing for all three of them: sad sex, angry sex, makeup sex, competitive sex -- sexual tug of war with Fraser as the rope. I'll probably never finish it. I carved it down to 4300 characters for the porn battle. Christ, that's not much. I can't do anything in 4300 characters! I'd barely get started, and then I'd have to finish. That's why I ended up excerpting from an old story.
verushka70: S4E1 Walt alone silhouette wearing hat and holding shotgun (Default)
I am SOOOOOOOOO glad finals are over. (And Brokeback Mountain opens tomorrow here in Chicago!!!) If it had been any other classes, I'd have had all As... Read more... )
verushka70: S4E1 Walt alone silhouette wearing hat and holding shotgun (hookah)
Having read all these comments re: Tight, I can only say: Thank you all SO very MUCH. If I had the time to reply individually, right now, I would... unfortunately, a good friend (of 20+ years) lost his mother yesterday, so I have not been home much the last 24 hours...Read more... )

eh.

Nov. 23rd, 2005 10:36 pm
verushka70: S4E1 Walt alone silhouette wearing hat and holding shotgun (Default)
Eh. Well. So I posted my first fic in, like, 5 years or something. To DSX last night, and to RedSuitsYou and dsslash tonight. Because I don't really know where else to post. I found a "friends" page, which is really just some people I don't know who have a livejournal page, ds_noticeboard. Which looks cool. I haven't had time to fully explore... Read more... )
verushka70: S4E1 Walt alone silhouette wearing hat and holding shotgun (hookah)
Well. I finally updated a version of a story I wrote five freakin' years ago. http://www.squidge.org/dsa/archive/16/bitlike.html I re-edited it to submit to the Writer's Contest for Zebracon 17. Which I barely attended because I was so damn busy with school (I just visited the dealer's room, and that was about it). (As I horribly was this past weekend). I was shocked as hell when I won 1st place! But then, I don't even know if people look at the DSA anymore. I've been so out of it for so long. And no one is reading this blog, anyway... it's more for me than for public consumption. I've been a diarist since, like, age 9... and I do tend to talk to myself, to think aloud.

The DSA Squidge archivist was so kind as to remove myold story and let me upload the newer version. I may yet get back into the swing of things, writing fanfic. I know Due South is dead and only had three seasons... but... but... it was such a great show. And so... inspiring of slash. Not that other shows aren't or weren't. And, hey, slash isn't all I want... smoldering, fucked-up impossible love (Buffy/Angel, Buffy/Spike) is always good. So is great UST ala Scully/Mulder. Angst, tension: bring it on.

But also, the funny shows. The weird shows. Dead Like Me. Lexx. I'm even considering writing something really obscure (as long as no one is looking, what difference does it make?): a Hard Core Logo/For Those Who Hunt The Wounded Down Joe Dick/Jerry Bines xover. I mean, no one will want to read this except someone from http://www.yuletidetreasure.org/fandoms.shtml --but it's a challenge, and I've decided to set it during the time that Billy left and Joe was doing "some acoustic gigs" (or nothing, depending on whether you found his statement believable). I'm going to try to write that over xmas vacation. Which starts Dec. 13 for me and goes until Jan. 17. One blissful month to decompress from the hell of nursing school.
Read more... )

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