verushka70: I took this photo of a waterfall at dusk in Olympic National Park in 2009. (waterfall)
I actually began this in 2013. I worked on it more in 2014. It sat on my hard drive/cloud space since, and I periodically tweaked it over the years. I kept meaning to submit it to
http://older-not-dead.livejournal.com/
for an amnesty prompt, and kept forgetting. Remembered just the other day, July is an amnesty month over on http://older-not-dead.livejournal.com/, so I can post it! Yay.

~ ~ ~

TITLE: Ground Rules
AUTHOR: verushka70
FANDOM: Heat (1995)
PAIRING: Vincent Hanna/Neil McCauley
GENRE: Slash
PROMPT: Amnesty -- Promptathon 05: love & hate, ?. ?/?. Special chemistry
RATING: Explicit
WORD COUNT: 6023
SUMMARY:Vincent glances over his shoulder once as he pisses. He meets Neil's eyes in the mirror over the sinks. When he does, he sees it in Neil's eyes. He will know when the time is right. There will be some sign from Neil. Vincent can feel it.
WARNINGS:(Canonical) presence of guns and ammo, which are not used for violence in the story.
TAGS: Alternate Universe, Enemies to Lovers, First Time, Fix-It, Missing Scene
DISCLAIMER: This is fair use.
NOTES:Possibly our most iconic (and hottest) Italian-American actors, in the same movie, with an actual scene together (unlike The Godfather), with some lovely, subtle enemy slash? I was so there.

Ground Rules at AO3.
verushka70: S4E1 Walt alone silhouette wearing hat and holding shotgun (Walt-silhouette-hat-shotgun)
I posted some mostly low wordage fics to AO3 in March. Though completed/posted in March, they were not necessarily written this month; some were in the works for a while. I'm indebted to Tarlan for beta-ing the Moonlight fics and to Ride_4ever for both beta-ing the Longmire fics and coming up with the ficlet series title.

We also dedicated the Longmire ficlets to Zen because Zen turned Ride on to Longmire, and Ride turned me onto Longmire -- so my Longmire fics truly would not exist without Zen, and I would've missed all the wonderful older_not_dead slash on Longmire.

I chose not to use archive warnings on the Longmire teen slash. Stories are tagged/rated appropriately. here be ficlets )



verushka70: CKR's hands are just so damn sexy. (CKR's hands)
So in the last 12 years when a ton of shit happened to me IRL (mostly repetitive strain injury-related, then a terrible combination of aging/sick parent related with job loss/layoff with returning to school/switching fields/careers), I fell of the Internet and out of fandom stuff for much of that time. I started to fall off around 2003-2004 due to severe bilateral tendinitis, and my absence was probably longest/participation was lowest from 2005 to around 2010 or 2011.

explanation of how I didn't know about terms like cis and non-binary and ace until I returned to online fandom and encountered these terms on Tumblr, with some history of my fannishness and love of slash and how the latter brought me into the former more than a couple decades ago )

But what do we call ourselves? Do we have a name outside fandom, in the larger world, or in academia or gender studies? Do women who love slash have a term specific just to the love of slash? (Was there ever an archaic term for this, like from centuries ago? because that would be so cool... though I doubt that women of yore were able to be "out"/open about how they felt about seeing two dudes together, at least not if they found it super-sexy and squee-worthy.)

If there is a term for "women who enjoy contemplating/imagining two men being romantically &/or sexually involved with each other," is that terminology dependent on how we identify sexuality-wise? (given that there seem to be as many LGBTQ women who dig slash as there are vanilla het chicks, possibly more, that seems unlikely)

Is liking slash it's own thing, separate and apart from gender and sexuality? (Are there male slash fen? who aren't LGBTQ? IDEK -- I truly don't. Would this term -- if one other than "slash fan/fen" exists -- apply to those guys as well as us females, or would any such terms distinguish between the genders of the slash-admirers?

Maybe cis and non-binary and ace are terminology formed within that particular confluence of university studies and fandom (that's certainly where I was and what I was doing when I got into fandom).

But "slash" was a term before people were able to get slash stories through email lists or off the 'net. (I am familiar with the history of the term "slash" and origins in fandoms like original ST or MUNCLE.)

Yaoi (as a term) became popular in the late 90s, but that more describes the genre itself, than us women who love it. (And I can't say I personally relate much to yaoi for the simple fact that 99.9 times out of 100, I am not into boy/boy or tween/tween m/m... For me personally, at least one of the "m"s in "m/m" has to be an actual adult man -- YMMV -- Plus I'm not a manga/anime fan, unless you count a crush on Racer X when I was about 6 years old... I totally ditched Speed Racer for Racer X *g*!).

While such a term might be specifically about fans who like to contemplate m/m romance/sex, I would think it Could not be exclusively about watching/contemplating m/m couples being romantic &/or having sex -- because so much slashfic in so many different fandoms is PG rated with no sex at all, or primarily portrays the m/m relationship as deep partnership/friendship expanding into the realm of more than platonic love, yet less than explicitly sexual.

So... It's an interesting question, and I really don't know the answer. This isn't the first time I've pondered this in the last several months... it's just that I finally bothered to post the question.

I suppose I am fine with the term "slash fan" -- I just wondered if there was another term.

(I do object somewhat to the term "slasher" even though it is most expedient, but only because of the potentially violent connotations of "slashing" and "slashers.")
verushka70: I took this photo of a waterfall at dusk in Olympic National Park in 2009. (waterfall)
I'm going to gush now, so please forgive me. ( let me apologize now for the lack of cut text here. it's really difficult to do with speech to text, which I'm using because of my ongoing horrible flare up of tendonitis.)

I never used to watch telenovelas even though I was with a Mexican American man for 10 years, mostly because he hated telenovelas and I never was much into primetime soap operas, so I never watched them on my own.

That's why I was utterly unaware of the scruffy beauty of Demian Bichir until I started watching The Bridge from FX. (which I used to illegally download.) (I also didn't know that he was in Weeds, because I didn't have Showtime and I haven't had cable for years except for HBO which I've only had for the last two years as part of my internet service provider's high speed internet -- but only the HBO channels, nothing else). Now that Weeds is available streaming, I'm catching up.

(The Bridge is a gritty, cynical consistently very watchable cop show based on a Swedish original series, set on the border of Texas and Mexico, with Diane Kruger and Demian Bichir, and exploring all the corruption and interdependence that you would expect by the border. Sadly, it was cancelled after 2 seasons. I still highly recommend it.)

I still haven't seen most of the stuff that Demian Bichir has been in because most of it is telenovelas and most of it seems to be unavailable via Netflix or Amazon Prime.

But last night I had the chance to watch a movie called Death In Buenos Aires through HBO On Demand, in which Demian Bichir stars with a beautiful new young man, Chino Darin.

OMG, so slow build, slow burn slashy. And intentionally slashy -- it's part of the A plot because the murder they're trying to solve is of a known gay man.

NEVER thought that I would see Demian Bichir in something *intentionally* slashy, but I'm so glad! it's like a Demian Bichir dream come true.

Also, the director (Natalia Meta), and both producers are all women. So they're slashficcers, like us!

If you have the chance to see this movie, you really really should. yes, it has subtitles, and yes, it is in Spanish. but it is so worth it.

It's set in Argentina in the 1980s, when it was really corrupt (not really sure that's changed, but it was definitely really really corrupt then).

It's really suspenseful at building the slash, it's really suspenseful in solving the murder mystery, and it's really well done. It is by no means earth-shattering in terms of its philosophical import, but it consistently holds your attention.

And while elements of it are utterly cynical, there is a lyrical beauty to it and almost a surrealism of symbolism that makes it dreamy and beautiful in multiple parts. Where you know your instincts are telling you something important for your self preservation but you don't know exactly what, and you're torn between giving in to your paranoia and cynicism, and not only not wanting to believe in your worst fears, but also wanting to believe in the possibility of hidden dreams you've barely allowed yourself to sense.

WARNING: It does not have a happy ending -- in terms of fanfiction warnings, it would be a canonical character death, but that's the canon. Which just begs for fix it fic. Just sayin.

Oh my god, I want slash fic for Death in Buenos Aires so badly and there isn't any that I have found anywhere! not a single creative Google search has turned up any.

I think I'm just going to have to write it... after I get over this miserable bout of tendinitis. and of course after I finish my due south Secret Santa, and finish the other teen wolf story that I'm currently working on, and finish the unfinished work in progress for due south that I've had going for like over a year...

By the way, this is being posted courtesy of email posting and speech to text. So any errors are unintentional but I do not have the hand, wrist, and forearm strength or endurance to go back and fix them at this time.

I have an appointment Monday with our hand surgeon / hand specialist, so we'll see what he says. I'm lucky that I work with doctors and surgeons, because I explain my problem today, he examined my arms, and he wrote me a prescription for Celebrex to tide me over until my appointment.

with my insurance, which costs me $217 and change per month out of my own pocket (because I don't get coverage at my job because I'm a registry (float) RN who gets paid a higher wage with no benefits, no pension, no 401k), 15 pills of celebrex were $28. So, basically, nearly $2 a pill or $2/day (1 pill/day).

but I've been taking ibuprofen, 800 milligrams 3 times a day, and then I switch to naproxen, and they are barely making a dent, and the pain always comes back before I can take more pain medicine. Plus god only knows what both of those are doing to the lining of my stomach.

I can only imagine how much the Celebrex would have cost without insurance. and that was the generic price!

if I were keyboarding, I'd be key mashing about that.
:-(

Sent with AquaMail for Android
http://www.aqua-mail.com
verushka70: S4E1 Walt alone silhouette wearing hat and holding shotgun (CKR's hand)
I had this weird feeling there was something in my LJ I forgot to do for like the last few weeks but I couldn't put my finger on what it was. Well, I realized I forgot to put here some snippets I originally wrote for [livejournal.com profile] ds_snippets. (I like to keep my own copies in my own LJS of stuff submitted on other comms.) It's all slash. ETA: When I first posted this, I myself forgot the last two were DC/HCL, not DC/DS. *headdesk* Not firing on all cylinders. And this is BEFORE any Xanax today. *sigh* OTOH, maybe it's just my subconscious telling me to write DC/DS Mike Sweeney/RayK. Like I didn't have enough going on with [livejournal.com profile] ficfinishing!

Snippet 1:
Title: Necessary Velocity
Fandom and Pairing: HCL, Joe/Billy
Rating: NC-17
Length: 283 words
Prompt: One hundred-eight – momentum, velocity, gravity, inertia, torsion

. . .when he's exhausted like this, Joe rolls with just about anything. )

Snippet 2:
Title: Zero to Sixty in Half a Sec
Fandom and Pairing: HCL/Durham County, Billy Tallent/Mike Sweeney
Rating: R
Length: 294 words
Prompt: along the brittle treacherous bright streets
of memory comes my heart, singing like
an idiot,whispering like a drunken man

(e.e. cummings)

Jenifur, collectively, prefer individual rooms. This suits Billy just fine. )
Snippet 3:
Title: All Bite
Fandom and Pairing: HCL/Durham County, Billy Tallent/Mike Sweeney
Rating: NC-17
Length: 300 words
Prompt: along the brittle treacherous bright streets
of memory comes my heart, singing like
an idiot,whispering like a drunken man

(e.e. cummings)

He just nods, dazed, feeling drugged, though he's years clean and sober. )
verushka70: S4E1 Walt alone silhouette wearing hat and holding shotgun (Billy's hand on Joe)
I meant to get these in on time for the [livejournal.com profile] ds_snippets amnesty challenge, but for reasons that don't need exploring at this juncture, that didn't happen. So... bummer. So... they're here instead. Made possible by [livejournal.com profile] akamine_chan, who graciously beta-ed.

they stood together--DS, G, gen, 265 words )




a huntress--DS, G, gen, 257 words )




return the favor/bitter reward--HCL/FTWHTWD, Joe/Jerry, NC-17, 277 words )
verushka70: S4E1 Walt alone silhouette wearing hat and holding shotgun (headstones)
Conversation I had with my bf yesterday while driving:

Bf: I was watching Starsky & Hutch on that MeTV station that shows all those old shows yesterday.

Me: Yeah?

Bf: While I was watching it, I thought, I never realized... [trails off]

Me: [finishing his sentence] . . .how gay it was?

Bf: Yeah! I mean, how did we miss that? It's totally homoerotic!

Me: They slipped it by, under the radar. Like mainstream America not realizing the Village People were gay.

Bf: God, it is really unbelievable. It was so gay. I never realized it back then.

Me: [incoherent chortle]

This from my very straight (but not narrow) boyfriend. tee hee!


Also, last week I sent my oldest sister the link to a smashing Kirk/Spock slash vid at Youtube with the following message (note that she is not an active slasher, nor a member of any fandoms, but expressed great enjoyment of the "hot cowboy manlove" of Brokeback Mountain).

my email to her:
This is... such a wonderful mix of homoeroticism, hilariousness, heat, and high camp, I don't EVEN know where to begin. Showcasing the young William Shatner's over-emotive style of acting, as well as the not infrequent appearances of bondage & domination imagery in the original Star Trek, and combined with Nine Inch Nails' "Closer," (an industrial paean to self-erasure via animalistic copulation that manages to have a demented calliope sound to it in the middle chorus of the song), this video is just... **beyond.** The volume on your PC speakers should be LOUD.

her email reply:
Well, thanks for putting me in the appropriate mood to confront another Monday as a wage slave. Clearly my response confirms what I have suspected for years -- that I am a gay man trapped in a woman's body. Fear me, hets.

[helpless chortles on my part]

Slash doesn't even need slash evangelism anymore! I think Brokeback broke through to many, many women (and even my boyfriend, who can see the world through slash-tinted lenses now!) And the Internet shall feed them slash! And it is good!
\o/
verushka70: S4E1 Walt alone silhouette wearing hat and holding shotgun (headstones)
Last night was a happy night of TV for me. First of all, I am done with classes and I could actually WATCH TV without feeling guilty that I wasn't studying or worrying that watching TV would lower my grade on a test the next day!
Read more... )
I think I'm on my way to finishing up the HCL/FTWHTWD xover Joe Dick/Jerry Bines story. As usual, this hasn't been accomplished in less than 10,000 words. Hell, it's already just over 10,000 words and they've only just met and eyeballed each other. Joe's spent the first 10,000 words hitch hiking/drifting eastward across Canada after a short acoustic tour, having cold, anonymous, and unfulfilling sex (and doing a lot of drugs and drinking) with men & women along the way... because he's searching, longing, wanting, needing Billy and doing whatever he can to tamp that down. He's basically adrift because Billy's been gone for a few years now.

So to summarize, the first 10,000 words is Joe doing "whatever I want. I don't know. Fuckin' around. I get by. Play a little fuckin' acoustic gig once in a while. I'm Joe Dick. People come and see that." (as he says to Bruce at he beginning of HCL, in response to the question "So, Joe, what have you been doing for five years?")

So Joe's first meeting w/Bines is quite a kick in the head for him. I'm thinking of adding a dynamic whereby Joe's badassness is dwarfed by Bines' true badassness, having already been to prison more than once, and also having killed people. So Joe, who is normally pushy, aggressive, possessive and in pursuit of Billy, suddenly runs up against someone who is more quietly dominant than him. But that's kind of what he needs. Because in all his pursuit of Billy, Joe never had the chance to really be the pursued, the bottom, whatever. Nor could he ever really be sure or secure that he was The One for Billy. (And if he was, why'd Billy leave?)

This is the sort of temporary chance he gets with Jerry Bines. Because Bines just has that quiet but not unkind authority, and he'll make up his mind and just do what needs to be done. Joe is Mr. Multiple Misdemeanors... whereas Jerry is King Felony, but quietly authoritative, not pushy or outspoken like Joe. And Joe is already beaten down enough -- though in denial about it -- from Billy's "abandonment" (I'm not saying that's what Billy did, only that Joe might see it that way) that he really longs to be taken down, taken in, just taken and possessed in ways that he has never really been able to let Billy either because Billy wouldn't or couldn't or Joe just never let him. So it's like a "mini-do-over" for Joe, or at least that's what he can pretend, and so he can achieve some measure of solace and closure that all the liquor and booze and meaningless, anonymous sex in the world hasn't yet been able to give him.

So, I just have to write the Joe/Jerry hook-up, hot sex, solace & closure part now. That'll probably take another 10,000 words... sigh.

Even though this is a Joe/Jerry xover story, and there's no Billy flashbacks or memories, there's just Joe obliviating himself with liquor, drugs, and lots of sex with strangers, I realize now it's been written such that Billy basically haunts Joe through the entire story, and the meeting with Jerry is the first (maybe only) opportunity Joe has to exorcise the ghost of Billy -- truly confront it, face the fact that he's haunted, let it wash over him, drown himself in it, and then let it go. Or at least, that's how it is turning out. I never know exactly how things are going to go in a story until I'm writing it. And even then, things seem like they can take on a life of their own and then they (the characters) dictate what's going to happen. Like, I'm just channeling them or something, and they're writing it through me. It's weird. I wish I could get motivated enough by truly fictional characters of my own to get into that headspace. Maybe someday. In the meantime, hey, I do it because I love it and I finally can because I've got the time and space. Yay.

ETA: Did I say angst? I didn't. Okay, angst. It's Joe angst. Because angst-y Joe is so... so... compelling.
verushka70: S4E1 Walt alone silhouette wearing hat and holding shotgun (icbad)
Well, I finally porned for the porn battle. Only ONE porn -- how pathetic. What can I say; I was enjoying my last few days of school break before the onslaught of the last semester of nursing school begins.

My tiny skirmish in the porn battle is:

Title: Everything
Fandom: Due South
Prompt: RayK/Fraser, jealousy
Note: angsty, NC-17

It was originally part of a much, much longer RayV/Fraser/RayK love triangle story I started years ago & never finished. It was equal opportunity angst-ing for all three of them: sad sex, angry sex, makeup sex, competitive sex -- sexual tug of war with Fraser as the rope. I'll probably never finish it. I carved it down to 4300 characters for the porn battle. Christ, that's not much. I can't do anything in 4300 characters! I'd barely get started, and then I'd have to finish. That's why I ended up excerpting from an old story.
verushka70: S4E1 Walt alone silhouette wearing hat and holding shotgun (Default)
Just for my own use, a link to the story I submitted for the HCL fic exchange. I don't have it anywhere else online.

(hang on) Tightly, (let go) Lightly
verushka70: S4E1 Walt alone silhouette wearing hat and holding shotgun (absinthe)
Well, I was looking for something else and stumbled on Esperanza's posts (http://www.livejournal.com/~cesperanza/2005/12/21/) about Brokeback Mountain, which I have seen. So you might want to read her stuff a bit before you read my response.

I felt the need to comment on her posts, because there was such cogent thought -- and outrage -- behind them. But it turned into much more than a comment, and it focused on a lot of things Esperanza never said, just things that have irritated me about the promotion of Brokeback, and the entertainment buzz about it, so here it is...

Trying to make this brief (after 2am...ha! Going for broke!).

I understand the outrage of "is this still where we're at?" -- I actually do. Because, on the brink of 2006, and in Chicago, I'm going, "No, we're not there -- not us in Chicago."

But at the same time, I think that, unfortunately, YES, in many parts of this country, that IS where we're still at: "Hey, should we go beat those two queer cowboys to death with firewood, or should we just go get some beers?" "Nah, let's get some beers first." (spit)
Read more... )
verushka70: S4E1 Walt alone silhouette wearing hat and holding shotgun (Default)
I am SOOOOOOOOO glad finals are over. (And Brokeback Mountain opens tomorrow here in Chicago!!!) If it had been any other classes, I'd have had all As... Read more... )
verushka70: S4E1 Walt alone silhouette wearing hat and holding shotgun (hookah)
Having read all these comments re: Tight, I can only say: Thank you all SO very MUCH. If I had the time to reply individually, right now, I would... unfortunately, a good friend (of 20+ years) lost his mother yesterday, so I have not been home much the last 24 hours...Read more... )
verushka70: S4E1 Walt alone silhouette wearing hat and holding shotgun (hookah)
Well. I finally updated a version of a story I wrote five freakin' years ago. http://www.squidge.org/dsa/archive/16/bitlike.html I re-edited it to submit to the Writer's Contest for Zebracon 17. Which I barely attended because I was so damn busy with school (I just visited the dealer's room, and that was about it). (As I horribly was this past weekend). I was shocked as hell when I won 1st place! But then, I don't even know if people look at the DSA anymore. I've been so out of it for so long. And no one is reading this blog, anyway... it's more for me than for public consumption. I've been a diarist since, like, age 9... and I do tend to talk to myself, to think aloud.

The DSA Squidge archivist was so kind as to remove myold story and let me upload the newer version. I may yet get back into the swing of things, writing fanfic. I know Due South is dead and only had three seasons... but... but... it was such a great show. And so... inspiring of slash. Not that other shows aren't or weren't. And, hey, slash isn't all I want... smoldering, fucked-up impossible love (Buffy/Angel, Buffy/Spike) is always good. So is great UST ala Scully/Mulder. Angst, tension: bring it on.

But also, the funny shows. The weird shows. Dead Like Me. Lexx. I'm even considering writing something really obscure (as long as no one is looking, what difference does it make?): a Hard Core Logo/For Those Who Hunt The Wounded Down Joe Dick/Jerry Bines xover. I mean, no one will want to read this except someone from http://www.yuletidetreasure.org/fandoms.shtml --but it's a challenge, and I've decided to set it during the time that Billy left and Joe was doing "some acoustic gigs" (or nothing, depending on whether you found his statement believable). I'm going to try to write that over xmas vacation. Which starts Dec. 13 for me and goes until Jan. 17. One blissful month to decompress from the hell of nursing school.
Read more... )

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